Killer book

This was a bit more of an intellectual read than Heroin Diaries, but a fascinating book indeed. It takes an in-depth look at the marketing and development of the drug as well as the spread of its devastating addiction and the movement to fight it.

What astounds me is that pain experts and the drug maker themselves honestly believed (initially anyway) that OxyContin wouldn't be appealing to addicts - even non-addicting due to its time-release properties. They even went so far as to say that the pills could not be crushed or injected. They later changed their tune on that one. Millions of people have proven that one wrong.

What I still can't comprehend is how people slept at night knowing that their drugs were destroying lives and killing people. They could have stopped it sooner, but ignored the early warnings and continued to push their pills. I suppose they are still making money even if it is being sold on the streets. Money talks I suppose...

This book was equally as disturbing as Heroin Diaries, but in a completely different way. What I did enjoy about the book is that is was written in a fair and journalistic manner. Well, it was as unbiased as it could be considering that Purdue Pharma refused to participate of even respond to the author's questions.

It is an insightful look into the business of pills and the birth of an epidemic.

Addictive Reading

Dear Blog,

Sorry to have kept you waiting for my latest shenanigans, but, you see, I've been busy reading, quilting, knitting and job hunting. More on the craftiness later (like when I actually finish a project). I have, however, finished a book recently and started another.

Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star by Nikki Sixx. Why did I pick it up? Honestly, JR left it on the couch and I picked it up during Todd's turn at wii Bowling (I won btw...). 24- hours later, I was done. A rock star strung out on heroin and freebasing coke doesn't have a lot of big words.

Nikki Sixx kept a diary from Christmas 1986 to Christmas 1987 - while he was writing, recording and touring for the Girls Girls Girls album. It is an honest, disturbing and twisted account of his world at the time - a dark look into the mind of an addict. The entries of his diary are punctuated with his reflections of the incident as well as the commentary of the people in his life at the time.

As fascinating as it is in and of itself, I think it is an essential piece of literature (yes - I really do mean literature) for anyone who knows, loves or interacts with an addict. It will open your eyes to the mind of the addict.

Now, I'm reading Pain Killer: A "Wonder" Drug's Trail of Addiction and Death by Barry Meier. The story of OxyContin. notice a theme?

Tubular

so, after about a year of deliberation, queuing and un-queueing and debating yarns and fibers, I have finally cast on Tubey. I decided on Wool-Ease (it was on sale) though I am considering future versions in cashmere and cotton.

The Wool Ease is a worsted weight and the pattern calls for Aran weight. I ended up going down to US 4 & 5 to get a fabric that I like - so I am knitting to my measurements as opposed to following the pattern size specifically. I've got the back and about 2/3 of one sleeve done.


Colin helped with the photoshoot....

TGIF- 2008 in review

Since the year went out flipping me the bird on the way, it is tough for me to look through all of the crap to see all of the things that I am grateful for and they are there...

• friends old an new
• pleasant surprises
• seeing old friends in new ways
• taking a walk on the "wild side"
• turning 33
• my beautiful boys
• having everything we NEED
• knowing what we NEED
• tea - and the "tea fairy" who leaves me a fresh pot every morning
• being appreciated, worshiped and adored
• clarity of mind
• strength of character
• talent
• generosity
• beating up "bob" and hip tosses
• the ability to help - and to accept help.

mostly.. I am not only gateful, but blessed to have the man that I married back. I missed him.

weekend in review

One of my FAVORITE Christmas gifts was a copy of Kate Jacobs' novel The Friday Night Knitting Club. I absolutely devoured this book in about 48 hours. I hate when I do that. I really enjoy a book and get sucked into it. I can't put it down. then... It is over too fast. sigh...

I enjoyed every page. There were some plot twist that I was SURE I had it all figured out, but, nope.. we were off on another path.

wonderfully written. well paced and the plot just seems to fly off the needles.

yes, there is the "K" word in the title and yes, there is yarn on the cover. BUT this is not just a book for knitters. This "club" could just as easily have been quilters or a book club or any other hobby group. we knitters know that we are an ecelctic group, but this book really shows the muggles how diverse we really are.

As much as I loved it, I'll not be putting it in hubby's "must read" stack (aka the bathroom book case) - and he is a knitter (as of last night)! This is a good book for anyone who enjoys a good "chik flick" or "chick lit". My copy also included a discussion guide in the back - presumably for book club use.

Tea time review

The boys got a lot of really cool stuff from Santa (including the Wii!) but the #1 hit was from Gradma. I saw it in a magazine and decided the boys HAD to have it - only to find out she had already bought it. glad one of us did... because they LOVE it!


It is a tea set from http://www.greentoys.com/ serioulsy COOL toys! nice big teapot and good sized cups. It even has a creamer, sugar bowl and spoons! The best part? It is made right here in the US out out 100% recycled milk bottles collected curbside. It is also apporved by the FDA for food contact.

LOVE it! great toy. environmentally friendly and safe!

next post - book review - Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs

I need to be more specific

In my list of grattitudes, I included "long delicous kisses". well, I was met with a bag of Hershey Kisses shortly after I wrote that. not what I had in mind, but yummy none the less.

My Christmas list and other desires

in case you were wondering...

• sock blanks and dyes from Knit Picks
• 32" - 2.25mm Harmony circular needle
• luscious fiber and yarn
• Ladybug wheel (a girl can dream, can't she?)
• a fabulous wardrobe
• Perfume from hubby
• new everday dinner dishes from hubby
• new doors
• peace, health and calm in my home
• a hot cup of tea and a chocolate cuppycake.
• more of Grandma's rasin bread.
• new toys (I cant wait to see what I'm getting in my swaps!)
• wii fit (assuming Santa brings the family a Wii - and I hear he is!)
• long delicous kisses
• passion
• attention
• strength (I'm runnung a bit low right now..)
• a Manwich meal
• iTunes gift cards
• sleeping in
• an ear and a shoulder
• a decadant dinner out with no kids and cloth napkins
• more iBras
• new contacts (yeah.. I know.. I need to drag my ass to the eye dr.. 'cause I do'nt have enough dr appts already..)
• new "jewlery"
• lunch.

TGIF 12/5/08

tough week this week...

• a ride to the train station on an icy morning.
• patience
• my pretty pink wraps
• receiving comfort by giving it
• friends who really listen
• reassurance from Katy
• perfect EKGs
• subs
• being positive - and doing positive things - even if it all seems to hard at the time.
• long talks and car rides
• hockey tickets
• hip toss on ice (I was impressed!)
• my new jersey!

"Goin' to a Party"

I had a roommate at RPI who collected Eeyore. She had one talking one who said "Goin' to a party.." when you pushed a button. I don't know if hers was defective, haunted or possessed, but it would randomly talk to me when he and I were alone in the room... creepy. It is a good thing I liked my roomie so much or Eeyore might have had an unfortunate accident in teh basement of the JEC... (that is where we CivE's kept all of our toys tools for breaking shit. Fun place!)

Anyway... I'm feeling a bit like Eeyore these days. I'm feeling like the Universe has taken a big crap on my life and my house. It is hard to remain optomisitic in the middle of a shit storm. Seems like the only thing that makes me smile these days are my kids - but they get me aggrivated too...

This is the part of this post that I was going to list all of the crap that has happened to us in the last month. I deleted it. Some of it is information that really isn't mine to publicize, but, mostly i don't want to focus any mor eenergy than I need to on it.

What really sucks is that I have little to no control over ANY of it. mostly, I just need to sit and wait it out. I hate that! I can't just do nothing! So, I've decided to crank up the TSO, put away the Halloween decorations (no- not joking) and get ready for Santa because he WILL be here before we know it! I hear Wii may be having a very nice Christmas....

Ryan's B-day and PDK (aka KIP)

Yesterday, Ryan turned 6. 6??? 6!!!! I can hardly believe it!!!

He's had a hard time adjusting to the ups and downs and insecurity of the last few weeks. Homecoming was off to a bumpy start. His birthday gift from mom and dad was never more needed than this week.

My kids have too much stuff. I did laundry yesterday - their dressers are bursting. They have SO many toys that they don't even know what they have or where it is. Bookshelves overflow into piles on the floor. They have bins of craft supplies that don't even close. With Christmas right around the corner, the last thing we want to do is fill our house up with MORE crap that will take up space and be unappreciated. what to do?

Ryan is a hockey fan (and a hockey player!) so we took him to a Sound Tigers (Islanders) game. it happened that the closest game to his b-day was Friday night against the Wolfpack (Rangers) - always a good game. Even better? the Kids' Club (which he is a member) had an open skate before the game! He got to skate on the ice at the Arena. How cool was that? it was his first time on skates this season and he fell a lot, but he just kept getting right back up! even the security guard was impressed! Mommy was proud!



(I insisted on the helmet - the pads were his idea!)

During the game, he had a great time wearing his new jersey, eating his "fluffies" and watching the game. He really got into it!



At one point the camera man came up into our section in the stands (110 - bar stool section) and put him up on the big screen! he loved hamming it up! Then, he panned up from Ryan to the ice and caught this shot



yes.. I knit while I watch hockey! Really.. this can't surprise you.

TGI Thanksgiving

TGIF will be a day early this week due to Thanksgiving... seems more appropriate today.

• it wasn't worse
• not being home alone
• having my husband back (he better stay this way!)
• ice cream (mmmm)
• tea
• alarm systems
• friends
• medical care
• blog awards
• trust
• faith
• fantasy

It's My First Time...

receiving a blog award. This is from Meghann the award reads: "This blog invests in and accredits closeness."

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award".

Even though Meghann claims that she isn't good at following my blog, I suppose she's read enough to know that I needed it today. So I have gracioulsy accepted this award and pass it on with pleasure to some of the nicest bloggers I know:

and in my spare time...
Vegan Heart Doc
Cygknit

Missives From Suburbia

FMFO

Veronica Revisited
Glass by Adelina
indigirl

In other news... Todd comes home today. I installed an alarm system last night. JR has a pouinding headache, but is otherwise OK.

home invasion

As if there isn't enough drama in my life... one of those shit head punks from next door (had to be them) broke in my house this morning. went through my purse and took some cash (left more cash, vicoden and my mp3 player...and the portable DVD player was on the floor.) JR came upstairs to make tea and must have startled them and they pushed him down the stairs. he hit his head. said he was OK, but he seemed a little out of it to me. I've had ENOUGH. those punks are getting the smack down.

TGIF 11/21/08

• understanding
• compassion
• helping hands
• hot tea and warm hugs
• yarn & needles
• my new bag gloves & pretty pink wraps
• hitting things hard and often
• hip tosses
• free haircuts
• self confidence
• clarity
• conviction
• working heat
• more tea
• compliments
• uninterrupted sleep
• dinner plans
• hockey tickets

Clarity

For the last 12 years or so, I've been doing whatever I could to make life easier for Todd to deal with his BPD. I've walked on eggshells, handled him with Kidd gloves. I've buffered him from the world. there were time I've had to remind him to take his meds. There were also many times I had to beg, plead and bribe him to take them.

For the most part, he did what he was supposed to. Took his meds and behaved himself. Inevitably, something happens. He gets sick, seasonal change, extreme stress... and he is off his meds and out of whack (not always in that order...). Then, I am left to deal with the fallout - much of it he never remembers. I do. I am left to work, cook, clean and care for the kids. All while trying to minimize the crap that I know is coming. My friends and family keep telling me how strong I am. Well I am TIRED of being strong! I want normal, calm mundane and even a bit boring would be nice.

This past Saturday, he became suicidal. I called 911. He was so pissed at me for ruining his plans that he told me he was going to refuse his meds, sign himself out and file for divorce. Now, my initial reaction was the usual. I pleaded with him to take his pills. I told him we would work through this. Then I went outside to call home and check on the kids (no, they didn't witness any of the chaos. they think Daddy is in the hospital because of his concussion.). When I came back into his room, he was asleep and I decided to go home. I left my number with his nurse and asked her to keep me posted.

While I was driving home, I started thinking "What if it comes to divorce? What am I going to do?" you know what I realized? I can hire a hot young manny and move on with my life. I took a mental look around my life and took note of just how many friends and family were there to support me. It was a great deal more than I had ever realized before. Most importantly, the boys and I would be just fine.

This little epiphany has taken away the fear of the "what if". I now know that whatever is ahead of me, I am OK with it and I am going to be OK. Somewhere along the way I started to lose sight of my self, my desires, and my happiness. It is time I try to remember what they were. After all, if Mommy isn't happy.. no one is.

I am through tip-toeing around Todd. He needs to face life - and his meds and man it up. This isn't to say that I am going to pursue the divorce. I'm not. Not at this point anyway. My husband is the love of my life and when things are good (which is most of the time) they are VERY good. I am giving him the chance to take control of his health and engage in his life and his family. If he doesn't care about himself, why should anyone else?

I'm sure I probably sound like a bitch. I have been scared, hurt, angry and now, I'm beyond that. I have reached acceptance. I have accepted whatever is ahead of me and I am ready to face it.

so much to say...

This has not been a great week 'round these parts. (<-- understatement of the century!)

There is so much I want to say and so much I need to say, but I can't. I keep finding myself staring at a blank post with my fingers in the "home position" and I am just at a loss...

Partly, it is because this is rather personal. Partly because it is still fresh and raw. Mostly though, I think it is because I am still sorting out what it is exactly that I am thinking and feeling.

I think the biggest blog-blocker is that I don't want to be judged. I don't want advice. If I didn't think that my experience would help someone else, I'd just scribble my thoughts in my journal (the paper kind - so I can burn it on my death bed) and be done with it. I have some wonderful friends - more than I knew - that have been there to hold me up these last few days. They've also let me fall apart when I needed to - and I did/do need to. Sometimes it is enough to make a pot of tea, hand me a box of Kleenex and listen.

Once I gather my thoughts into something coherent, I will try again to share my adventures in bipolar land.

Happy Birthday Mon!

When we went to the hockey game for my birthday, JR asked me no less than 6 times to knit him a rasta hat. Since his birthday was in a few weeks, I went yarn shopping the next day. It was a fun knit, though it did turn out a bit big. I used some of the 1mm beading elastic that is knit into the ribbing to cinch up the back to make it fit.

the end result:



Yarn: Lion Boucle Multi in the "Sherbert" colorway (I think). I carried a strand of 1mm beading elasting through the ribbing.

Needles: US 6 & 8 (KP Options)

Pattern: Rasta Hat by Shannita Williams-Alleyne

Ravelink: http://www.ravelry.com/projects/herself75/rasta-hat

TGIF 11/14

• caring friends in a time of need
• modern medicine
• tea
• wine
• yarn
• rainchecks
• sick days
• skelaxin
• persecription coverage
• an outlet
• the new "roomie"
• free MP3 downlods (legally!)
• ABBA
• writing
• crying
• laughing
• being right
• foregiveness
• apologies
• chocolate

Bobcat

Last night, Andy & Ryan earned their Bobcat badges! and a really neat neacklace too!

They also got their pinewood derby car kits last night. Daddy is excited about helping them build! I hear Uncle JR wants to help too...