Random Reflections... on Running

Finished Week 3, started Week 4

2012-01-25T06:31:00.001-05:00

I finished week 3 about a week ago. I wasn't feeling 100% but I'd had a stressful day. I was in the office. Bosses+ siting. I needed to move. It was nothing special. My breathing is getting better and the shoes are breaking in nicely. Then I went to karate. Yeah. I slept well that night.

The next day, I got a new tattoo. On my leg. I spent Friday -which would.have been my next run day- icing my swollen ink. I got it to cover up the scar from my accident a few years ago and the scar is painful now.

Monday, I decided I needed to kick off week 4. It snowed over the weekend and the snow was now melting into a slushy mess. My leg was still sore. I did it anyway. It felt pretty good. Most of the time.

I was feeling pretty strong. The intervals were longer, two 3 mins and two 5 mins. These were my longest yet. I ran them all out except the last. It was starting to feel like someone jabbed something into my scar and then my thigh started to cramp. I slowed to a fast walk to wrap up the work out. I was doing well aside from the self-inflicted pain. Shoes felt good. Breathing was strong. No stitch in my side. I'm getting there.

Week 4 continues tomorrow. Today is errand day. A whole other kind of running around.

Week 3, Day 2 - When I Finally Got New Shoes

2012-01-16T19:41:00.001-05:00

Todd ordered new boots from a local shoe store and asked me to pick them up on may way home. When I walked in there was a HUGE display of women's running shoes. This store is just awesome. The staff.knows everything about every shoe they carry. After figuring out which type of shoe would best for me, she measured me and went in back. She returned with SIX pairs of shoes - none of which were too narrow! In fact one was way too wide. I tried them all out and went with a pair of Nike's.

I was so excited to find them that I couldn't wait to get home and try them out! So what if it was 27° with snow flurries!

Obviously they weren't broken in yet and my feet are used to my beat up x-trainers. My feet were achy by the time I got through the first interval. I was also feeling it a bit in the shins at first, but that passed very quickly. I will be wearing them around the house a bit to break them in a little faster.

As for the run itself, I felt a bit stronger than the last time. Achy feet and all. Still focusing on my breathing and I'm noticing an improvement. Sham Rock N Roll - here I come!

Today's run is here.

C25K - Week 3, Day 1

2012-01-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

First, the stats/map are here.

This weeks runs alternate 1.5 minute and 3 minute intervals. This means that the runs are significantly shorter overall, but longer intervals. I felt like I could have done another interval, but I don't want to push it. I feel tired, but not completely spent. I still have energy to do the things I need to, but I may just watch a movie and knit anyway. (Shhh! Don't tell my family that is why they will be eating leftovers tonight!)

I took the opportunity of the longer intervals to focus on my breathing. I think I did better. It is hard to tell since I was already coughing and wheezing before the run. It is cold and I'm still coughing up campfire from this weekend. I don't think it was my breathing that held me back on my intervals, it was more about muscle fatigue. My legs may be strong, but they are more accustom to kicking and sweeping than running.

All in all, I feel good and I am ready for the next one! I think it helps that I have decided that I will be OK with whatever time I end up with on the 5k - as long as I finish! I know I will and I hope to see some of you cheering me along on the way. I'm already thinking I'm going to need some post-race carbs from Modern Apizza.

Gym Rats Ranting

2012-01-10T09:29:00.000-05:00

I will begin Week 3 of my c25k this afternoon, but I've been holding back a rant for about a week now and it is time to let it out so I can move on.

I have noticed a tend on my facebook and twitter feeds for the last 10 days. Many of my gym rat friends (wow there are a lot of you!) have been bitching about how crowded the gyms are. Yes, many people resolve to hit the gym to get fit. Yes, many will give up. BUT they are trying to make some healthy lifestyle changes. Why not offer a smile, a hello or maybe even a "keep it up"? Some support and encouragement may be just what it takes to keep them coming and making those changes permanent. Or do you have to be one of the cool kids and already fit in order to work out? I don't think so.

We live on an obese and sedentary society. We need to fix it together. One of my reasons for doing this whole running thing is to be a positive example for my kids. Another is to prove to myself that I can. If I can encourage someone else along the way, even better!

So, to those of you inspiring and encouraging the sofa spuds to be veggie sticks, thank you! Keep it up!

Week 2, Day 3... Finally

2012-01-03T16:45:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally picked up where I left off before the Christmas crazies kicked off. I pulled a muscle in my neck, which sidelined me for a week as well. I was feeling better last week in time for my MMA class, but I was certainly feeling it again after class. Glad I waited on running in the cold too. I don't think it would have helped.

I still haven't gotten new shoes yet. Really, there is a conspiracy against wide width women's running shoes. I hear rumors, see them on line, but they don't seem to actually exist. So. Frustrating! I will keep trying.

I have to say that even though it had been a couple of weeks, the run felt pretty good (in spite of the old x-trainers). I did get a nasty stitch ion my side during the 5th run interval. By the time I walked it off, it was time for the 6th interval and it came back. I ended up walking at least the last 30s of the interval. I guess that slice of pie before I ran wasn't such a hot idea. I will be doing less snacking and more stretching before future runs. I will also try to be aware of staying hydrated on the days that I run. I'd rather like to avoid that experience if I can help it.

In spite of the shoes, stitch and the raw windy winter day, i rather enjoyed it. my body was rested and ready to run again. I also came to the realization that I can finish the 3k - even if I have to walk a lot of it. I have set my goal at crossing the finish line for race #1. I will do my best, but I won't push myself too far past my comfort zone. if I injure myself, I can't train for the next one or do MMA or many of the other things I enjoy.I am feeling better about the whole thing in general. Less stressed. more confident. I have also decided that i am making no resolutions for 2012. Instead, I am focusing on all of the things I desire from 2012. Finishing the 5k is one of them. Then I will finish the second one...

I'd like to go backpacking too...

run details here.

Week 2 Day 2 - And Shoe Shopping.

2011-12-17T15:39:00.001-05:00

Week 2 consists of the regular warm up/cool down with 6 90s run intervals with 120s rests between. this was the second day. I didn't fool with the pause button like I did the first time, so I actually went a shorter distance this time (run details here). Sure didn't feel like it. My feet and my shins were killing me - which led to a lengthy and insightful discussion on proper running shoes on Facebook.

I have been wearing the cross trainers I had just to get started. Yes, I am aware that they are not proper running shoes. I figured it was better than nothing to get me started. After all, I'm still doing more walking than running. Alas, my shoes are beat and I am feeling it. time to bite the bullet on that one. I am COMPLETELY overwhelmed. There are so many brands, styles and colors.

There is a running shop near one of my bridges and I could easily pop in there at lunch, but I have to admit that I am a bit intimidated. I am not a serious runner - and I don't intend to be. I can see why people do it now, but that isn't my goal.. I have no intention of inflicting anything more than a 5k on my body. I feel like they will blow me off or laugh at me maybe. I know I am a novice but I don't want to be treated like a total loser. Before you protest and say they wouldn't I have to point out that it is in Darien. The people in Dunkin Donuts treat you like that.

So, I went to a few sporting goods stores. I learned a few things.

The sales people may be nice and well intentioned, but they don't know what they are talking about.
The employees (male and female) will assume that since you are a woman, the most important quality in a running shoe is the color. really? I know I look like a hot mess when I run. The color of my shoes will not help.
Women's running shoes don't come in wide widths. I have heard rumors to the contrary, but I have yet to actually SEE them.
Due to #3, the kind and well meaning sales people will tell you to look at the men's section and then point out that there are more colors available in men's.

Then, I went on Facebook. My running friends came out of the woodwork with fabulous advice. I will hit the highlights here:

DO NOT BUY MEN'S SHOES! That was my initial instinctive reaction. I'm not a man. My body mechanics are VERY different. So glad to have everyone backing that one up for me.
I really do need to suck it up and go to a running store and get fitted for some thing that works for me.
I do not need to buy it there! I can go to DSW and get last years color for less.
Asics might actually make wide widths. Still looking for the proof here...

Once I get the shoes ironed out, I can figure out how to get rid of the cramp in my side that happens at about the 60s mark in each interval. by the time I walk it off, it is time to run again... sigh...

C25K - Week 2, Day 1 - When I didn't feel like it

2011-12-12T17:14:00.003-05:00

It is definitely Monday! It is one of those Mondays that gives all the other Mondays a bad name. I went to bed early, but woke up late and feeling like I hadn't slept at all. I think part of that may be because several times I found myself waking up in the middle of a conversation. Apparently, my husband went to bed late and got up early. lucky me.My day began by making the perfect cup of tea, then leaving it on the kitchen counter. I am not a coffee drinker. Tea is my lifeblood. I was devastated.

Monday also means meeting day in my office. That means that all of the bigwigs show up and trash the ladies room (none are ladies or even women). Normally, I am in the field by then and avoid the bigwigs. not today. office all day.

Also, It is cold. Yeah, I know. It is December and I live in Connecticut. It just finally feels like it. Much colder than last week. The upside of working outdoors is that I already have Under Armor Cold Gear (If you are trying to figure out what to get me for Christmas, I could use more).

It was just one of those days where I am feeling totally spent.I just wanted to go home and crawl under the covers and hide from the world. When this sort of thing happens on a karate day, the last thing I want to do is train. I know that those are the days that I need to go even though I don't want to (also, I paid for the class so I am going). I always feel better by the end of class and I am glad I went. Using this logic I decided to suck it up and run anyway.

I was right. I was cold, but I was right. I do feel better. My times weren't stellar, but not terrible. the run intervals are longer this week and therefore more challenging. I need to work on my breathing too if this is ever going to work with winter and my asthma. I also kept accidentally hitting the pause button, so I went a lot farther and it made a couple of intervals look better than they were.

The run data is here.

And because I am such a geek, I made a spreadsheet and some charts to track my progress. you can't tell me you didn't see it coming. I am an engineer! However, I am NOT a software engineer, so I haven't figured out how to insert them in the blog. If you can tell me, I would love it if you could leave instructions in a comment.

Couch to 5K Week 1, Day 3 - When I remember that it is winter

2011-12-09T20:48:00.000-05:00

Can someone please tell me why I decided to start is in DECEMBER?! It has been a fairly mild December (almost makes up for the December-like October), but it is still December in Connecticut. Today it was starting to feel like it.

I went for my run, but I had to psyche myself up for it. It was raw and windy. I actually wan't too cold during the run and even got a bit of a sweat going. Unfortunately, it is going to get colder before Spring comes. Odds are this is the weather I will be seeing for my first race. Although, this is New England all bets are off on the weather in March.

On a positive note, I was able to run uninterrupted. Kids were still either in school or on their way home and Todd was working. My times overall were faster. Although, my run interval times really dropped off as I went. I started to develop a cramp in my side a little more than half way through and by they time I walked it off, it was time for the next run interval.

All in all, I think I had a good first week and I am looking forward to week 2! I may start it on Sunday. I will be having a fun girls' weekend in the City (that is NYC if you aren't from CT). There will be much walking and schlepping. I guess I can consider that a workout!

Today's run is here. I decided to vary the route a bit. Don't want to be too predictable or get bored. It also changes up where I hit the hills. My neighborhood is NOT flat AT ALL. Looks it on the map though, doesn't it?

Couch to 5K - Week 1 Day 2 - Running with an anchor

2011-12-08T17:40:00.001-05:00

Due to a bunch of errands, I couldn't get in my run before the kids got home Monday and with a cold December rain on the way, I did NOT want to skip it! I decided to take the kids with me. After all, #2 and #3 are hyper and #1 desperately needs to exercise. Family run sounded. good.

Colin did a great job of keeping up especially when you consider that he is only 5 and his legs are pretty short. Ryan kept wanting to run ahead and of course burnt out when he realized just how far we are going. He also kept telling me that he wanted to go a different way than the way we were going. I really wouldn't have minded if he didn't keep telling me we should have turned 3 blocks ago. Then there is Andy. He didn't even try to run. He did walk it though. Almost 2 miles. I am proud of him for that. He wandered in a while after the rest of us singing Christmas carols. That kid is too much!

As for me, I was really annoyed that I had to drag them with me. I was also surprised at how annoyed I was. It wasn't so much that they slowed me down - which they did, but not a whole lot. It was because they were invading on MY time. My quiet half hour. They were talking, bickering and complaining about my playlist. MY playlist

.I love them, but until they can keep up and keep quiet, I think I'm going to keep my runs to myself. I have to spend the rest of the evening listening to "Mom, mom, mom, mom..." and "I want..." and my personal favorite "MOM! _____ just _____! Make him stop/give it back!!!" I don't think an uninterrupted run is too much to ask of my family.

Today's run stats are here.

C25K - Week 1 Day 1 - My First Run

2011-12-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

"Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, ans relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life." ~Naranon blue book

Just for today, I will get off the couch and run.

Today was my first attempt at this running thing. I think I am starting to get it. I am not focusing on my knee pain with every step or worrying about each and every breath I take. I can let my thoughts wander. I can meditate. I can think about life's problems. I can listen to my own thoughts. I can sing "Crazy Bitch" while I run through the neighborhood (I'm pretty sure the neighbors think I am a crazy bitch already). I can spend time with me. How did I figure this all out on my first run? My family kept calling me. I was really annoyed - more than I thought I would be. I really surprised myself by being so annoyed. From now on, all calls will be dumped into voice mail while I am running.

I also learned just how badly I need a pair of running shoes. I knew I'd need them, but I just wanted to get started so I went with what I had. My feet and ankles were sore by the time I was done. I will put shoe shopping on my to-do list for the weekend. I have a feeling I will be expanding my wardrobe as well, but that can wait.

The playlist needs to be tweaked, but I was really motivated by the songs I picked. Nickleback, Pink and ABBA - among others... NIN had to go. I just wasn't feeling it. I also need to add "I Will Survive" for my last interval.

I'm liking the app from RunDouble as well. I choose my own playlist from my phone and it plays it during the run. It tells me when to run, when to walk and what the pace and distance was at each interval as well as the total distance and average pace. I will admit to doing a little happy dance in my run/walk when it told me I was half way. I'm sure a running partner would be a better motivation. You know someone who can physically remove me from the sofa. No app can do that. I love that it can keep track of all that information because I have no clue what I am doing at this point. I can just run/walk and listen to the music. Run details are here.

All in all I am feeling good. My legs are a bit tired. My ankles are still a little sore. My knees feel just fine! I am a little wheezy though. It is cold and I had ice cream last night (dairy allergy). I will definitely bring my inhaler next time. Bring it Day 2!

What am I Doing???

2011-12-01T17:09:00.001-05:00

If you've known me very long, you know that I have been one of those "I don't run" people. (I am not claiming to be a runner now either) I have attempted to run in the past, but due to knee problems and undiagnosed asthma triggers it just plain sucked. I never could understand how people would do this for FUN!

I have since met a wonderful orthopedist who ordered an x-ray view that none of the dozens of other doctors I had seen (since I was a toddler) ever did. Turns out the muscles on the outside of my legs are tighter than on the inside. Some simple stretches and exercises and the problem is FINALLY resolved. I've also figured out what triggers my asthma which makes it infinitely easier to breathe and exercise at the same time. Those two things have made a measurable differance in my life.

Since then I have become more physical. I took a self defense class for a couple of years then switched to an MMA class about a year and a half ago. I only train once a week. I'd love to go more often, but it is just a logistical impossibility right now. What I have noticed is that as I progress in rank, I am getting frustrated with the physical limitations of my own body. I decided to challenge myself to get stronger, faster and more flexible.

First, I started the 100 Push-ups challenge. I always struggle with them in class and one night I decided I wasn't going to let them defeat me. I could do 11 when I started. Tonight I did a total of 245 and maxed out at 55. Saturday I will do the final test. I don't know if I will do the 100, but if I don't I will go back to week 4 or 5 and try again!

As I got to about week 4, I noticed that the push-ups were starting to hurt my back. I added the 200 sit-ups challenge to increase core strength. I started out with 35. Today I did 261 and maxed out at 67. One more week before that final exam!

How I decided to do the Couch to 5K is anyone's guess. I was feeling tired, sluggish and blah. I wasn't happy with how I felt and how I felt about my body. I downloaded to app. from www.rundouble.com. As some of my friends suggested, I set a goal for myself. I needed a 5k to train for. After a bit of searching, I decided on the WPLR Shamrock & Roll. I figure half of the participants will probably be drunk (I will not be), so how can I humiliate myself? I registered today! I then proceeded to download a playlist that would keep me motivated (it needs tweaking) and then I realized that I actually need to start running...

I did my first run/walk workout today. more on that tomorrow. I need to go build some Lego's.

Cub Scouts are Hooked on the Blues

2010-06-13T20:38:00.001-04:00

The boys are really having fun in the new pack. The latest adventure was the Scout Night Camp Out at Harbor Yard. We caught a double header with a Scout parade between

Jammin' with Jimi & friends

2010-03-08T19:37:00.004-05:00

One of Andy's Cub Scout buddies, Jimi did a presentation for his Disabilities Awareness Belt Loop about a fundraiser he and his mom do to help kids with Special Needs. Jimi talked about his own special needs and his friends with disabilities. Andy decided that he was going to donate the money from the cans and bottles he was saving as part of his recycling achievement would go to Jam 4 Jimi's Friends. After 3 months of collecting cans and bottles from home, the park, the neighborhood and my office, he raised $25! (That is 500 cans and bottles!)

So, this year's Jam was this past Sunday. I took Andy and Ryan while Todd and Colin held down the fort. The boys had a blast in the kids' room. They sang "Ring of Fire" during karaoke, got their faces painted and had a terrific presentation by a couple of Firefighters including a couple of give-aways!

Did I mention there were some guests that came all the way from a Galaxy far- far away?

yes, Todd was jealous! Actually, these guys were from the 501st CTG Troopers.

We had a great time and Andy is starting his collection for next year. If you don't want to deal with returning your cans & bottles (and you live near me) drop me a note and Andy can take them off your hands. His goal for next year is $100 because 25x4 is 100. It is great logic, but none of the 3 months he collected were during softball season.

WIP Wednesday - 3/3/10 Ravelympics wrap-up edition

2010-03-03T08:58:00.000-05:00

Mission accomplished!

I combined the techniques of knit and crochet. I started with the Ribs & Lace Tank from IK. Then, I changed the lace to st st and began with a privisional cast on. I Bound the provisional stitches with single crochet and then added the bcrochet lace edge.

I worked the ribing mor or less as written. I did shorten the straps and raise the back. After grafting the straps, I added a crochet trim to the neckline. I then added a full crochet lace sleeve. This yarn has great drape, so it worked out nice.

upon further inspection, I decided the neckline could use some beads for a subtle sparke.

Yarn: Caron Spa
Needles: US 4 &6
Hook: US G

What is next? I have a few stealth deadline projects one down three to go. Two of which should go quickly. The third is OTN now and going pretty quickly. LOVE that chunky yarn ;)

TGIF- 2/26/10

2010-02-26T08:32:00.003-05:00

I read this quote in the SESH the other day and thought I'd share it here.

"As we express out gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." ~ John F. Kennedy

and what words of grattitude shall I utter here on the blog - and attempt to live by in the real word?

I am grateful to/for the following:

hip tosses - sorry Dubs
patience
clarity
reading
writing
Sudafed PE (wish it was the real stuff tho... damn addicts...)
making plans
making changes
building stuff with the kids
creativity
"rainbow salad"
tea
electric dryers (sorry Deb... )
quilt square swaps - and swappers!
fabric sales
road trips past and future
bamboo yarn - LOVE it!

It is Derby night tonight - weather permitting - I'll have car and race photos up tomorrow - weather permitting. Wish my boys luck! Oh- my nephews too. thier pack races tomorrow too.

Pinewood Derby 2010- Cars under construction

2010-02-25T08:54:00.001-05:00

I realized that putting all of the Pinewood derby pics into one post would be pretty photo-heavy, so I will post the building of the cars as a little tease.

Being an engineer, it was pretty tempting for me to want to tell them how to build their cars, but it is really important that they learn the how and why. The race isn't about winning - though that is the goal. It is about learning and having fun. BUT when there are power tools and xacto knives involved, the adults do need to help them out.

We spent one Saturday googling images of Pinewood Derby cars for ideas. Then, they set to work building the cars... (The grown-ups helped with the power tools and sharp objects.)

Andy (Bear):

Ryan (Wolf):

Colin (Sibling): He had to get in on the action, so we bought him a car kit, helped him put the wheels on and the paint job was ALL him!

WIP Wednesday 2/24/10

2010-02-24T19:50:00.006-05:00

I've been busy working on my Ravelympics project. I did a provisional cast-on and bound that with a round of single crochet. details on the hem are on my project page. I continued in st st to the rib. I worked the front as written from there, but I shortened the straps quite a bit. I'm working the back now. I did the shoulder decreases as written, but I didn't divide the back and I am working it higher on the back to accomodate the crochet neckline. I'm going to add crochet sleeves too. I'm considering beading, but as that was not part of my original design, I'm not counting that as part of "completion" for the gold medal.

I tried it on today and I gotta say... I LOVE this yarn!!! it is even softer on!

We've also been working on Pinewood Derby cars this week too. Weigh in was yesterday. Race day is Friday. I'll have a full recap including the race results and the making of the cars, but here is a sneak peek.

Yup... Colin is getting in on the sibling race action! He'll be a pro by the time he is a scout.

TGIF 2/19/10

2010-02-19T18:17:00.002-05:00

getting my TGIFs in on Friday (even if I did miss WIP wed)

applying engineering to scouting

applying engineering to knitting

tempting offers

deadlines (I like the motivation)

Advil Cold and Sinus

time and talent that brings me treasure.

goat cheese and salmon wraps

a cup of tea (ok- pot or five) and a good book

a sense of humor

Humility

oh yeah... ROADTRIP!!! going to Northampton MA on Sunday.

Jar Block for the QOTM Group

2010-02-13T23:19:00.002-05:00

Fabrics:

Jar- 10.5"x5.5"- your choice - I think it will be more fun to see what you all come up with to put in the jars than to try to stick to a theme, so be creative!
Lid- 1.5"x3"- should read as black
Background - should read as cream/off white - 4- 1 7/8" squares, 2- 1.5"x2" strips, 2- 1"x11.5" strips, 1- 1.5"x6.5" strip

Step 1: making the jar.

mark each 1 7/8" square along the diagonal on the wrong side.
make another mark 1/2" closer to the corner.
line up a square on each corner
sew on the lines
trim the square between the seams and press open.
you will have created the jar and 4 half-square triangles. I would love it if you could send the HSTs with your blocks. I'd like to use them in the border.

Step 2: Assemble the Lid.

sew the two 1.5"x2" strips to the "lid" piece
attach lid to jar.

Step 3: add bacground strips.

Sew the 1" wide strips to the sides of the jar
Sew the 1.5"x6.5" strip to the top of the block.
there is no bottom strip.
the block should measure 6.5"x12.5" (finished block is 6"x12")

The finished quilt will be rows of the jar blocks with a horizontal only sashing to give the appearance of sitting on a shelf.

TGI did it again

2010-02-13T19:29:00.002-05:00

So, I've been sick this week. Last night I came home from work, crawled into bed with a book and stayed there until a few hours ago. I did put the book down to cast on and knit a few rounds. I'm not about to let a little respitory distress knock me out of Olympic competition! (Ravelink to my "event"). If you aren't a Raveler, then just trust that it all makes sense and it is't the cold medicine talking.

on to the grattitude:

coupons for FREE stuff
Caron SPA yarn - very cuddly!
seam rippers
Albuterol and Mucinex
Tea... tea fixes everything!
Todd letting me be sick.
snow days
being missed
Food for thought.
fondue

WIP Wednesday - 2/10/10

2010-02-10T19:44:00.007-05:00

Mother Nature's WIP of the day as seen from my living room.

I'm sick and a bit light headed, so I'm not sure if I posted this or not, but once I finish the stuff for the show, I'm going to get started on my T-shirt quilt. I've had these letters in a storage bin for about 10 years now. I think they will be happier as a quilt...

Speaking of the show... "Stairway to Serenity" is 100% DONE!

The quilting is a combination of stitch-in-the-ditch and echo quilting. I stitched in the ditch along the edges of the blue steps as well as the border strips. I echoed the steps at the same width as the individual strips through the field of the quilt. I'm very pleased with the outcome.

this is for another BOTM project - this one is a swap. the block has a mate, but it is in time out until I am feeling a little better - or at least have some patience...

The only knitting I did so far this week is swatch for the Ravelympics. boring. I'll have WIP shot next week - two days until cast-on!

TGIF - er S! 2/6/10

2010-02-06T13:08:00.002-05:00

so, I got busy yesterday, but I am still grateful this week.

Costco...LOVE that place! Igot some great deals too
being able to buy the necessities and not sweating it.
chocolate fondue
fact and crap and random trivia
knowing how to calculate a simple volume without looing like a total fucktard.
clarity
sanity
antici-
quilting
knitting
knitters and quilters
pation
my kitty the hunter (even if he does play with his catch in my bedat 3 am!)

WIP Wed 2/3/10

2010-02-03T21:49:00.006-05:00

I've made progress on the serenity quilt - it is quilted and waiting to be bound. Without a good camera and good lighting, it is hard to see, so I'll post finished pictures later.

I've got another WIP that I keep forgetting to post.

leftover sock yarns crocheted in blocks to form strips. The strips will be bordered and bound in a neutral. My Grammy used to make similar afghans with her scraps.I have one and I love picking out things like the yarn she used for a sweater for me or the shirt on my doll or a dress on another doll etc.. this one will be going for quite some time. Guess I'll just have to knit more socks!

Speaking of Grammy, Alice is modeling my finished prayer shawl.

Glad to have that one off the needles. It is pretty and soft and I hope it brings comfort to the recipient.

Speaking of prayer shawls...

I've made some progress on Urchins and Limpets. See that unfinished motif? That would be where I ran out of the green. I had a decision to make -buy more green or remove the whole row. I didn't think it would have been long enough with one less row, so I'll be getting more green tomorrow. Right now I'm ignoring all of those ends that need to be finished.

Next up is some swatching for the Ravelympics.

This is Caron Spa - bamboo and something synthetic. Feels nice and I would expect it to have anice drape. It is DK and the pattern calls for worsted wt. so swatching and math will be key here.

TGIF 1/29/10

2010-01-29T16:02:00.002-05:00

I had a pretty amazing week. Lots to be grateful for.

perfect and elegant timing.
"Mr.Conductor" for being really useful
my HP
prayer knitting and crocheting
pedicures
time for myself
finishing what I start
taking the next step - a leap of faith
being right
being missed
being needed
being wanted
desires
desire to grow
courage to change
being a "girl"

WIP Wednesday 1/27/10

2010-01-27T19:11:00.004-05:00

As you can see above I finished my latest pair of socks for ME! very comfy too.

I'm sitll knitting away on the prayer shawl. It looks a lot like the last picture, just longer. I'm sooooo bored with it. Prayer shawls are generally simple and repetive to facilitate prayer - which is completely logical. However, there is a fineline between simple and boring. It is hardto focus on the medetation when you are sick of looking at the same damn thing. next up is another attempt at urchins and limpets in a basic acrylic (I know..) from my stash.

These are the latest blocks for the QAL on Ravelry. I only used 2 fabrics instead of 10 because I wanted to continue to highlight each fabric as I use it. I made teh secondsquare the opposite of the first and it will go on the back ofthe quilt. I also did somemore quilting on the first strip. I'll take a picture of that in better light with a better camera when it is done. I ran out of thread.

TGIF 1/22/10

2010-01-22T19:22:00.003-05:00

weekends
lists of lists
checking off my to-do lists
B&J "shots"
remembering to put the tea bag in the tea
laughing about it when I don't
wii Bakugan for the distraction
squirrel
is ADD contagious?
sock yarn and stash yarn
people that listen
people that follow directions
coworkers that treat me professionally
weeknds

I swore I'd NEVER do it....

2010-01-21T16:37:00.002-05:00

but I did. I signed up for Twitter. Don't ask me why. You can catch the latest tweets of follow me from the sidebar. I've also added links to subscribe to the RSS feeds for the blog.

Please PLEASE,my belved blog readers (BBRs henceforth) promise me that you will not let me get too mundane with my tweets. Comment, email,IM, text or tweet if I get crazy. I'll try to keep them interesting.

WIP - 1/20/10

2010-01-20T21:57:00.003-05:00

It is late, but it is still Wednesday. I spent so much time working on the quilt and making with Andy that I didn't get a whole lot of knitting done. I have actually been busy at work too - which is good. The socks look pretty much the same as last week. I have the prayer shawl on US17s and that seems to be working out well. About 25% complete.

While I was sewing, designed drafted and pieced this square for the guild's block challenge quilt. the committee will piece the squares into a quilt top. Everyone who made a square will have a chance at winning the top. I decided to make our summer home - Brown Gables. I think this block will be a precursor to a wall hanging for Brown Gables.

One Saturday in the Sewing Room

2010-01-16T18:18:00.006-05:00

Todd took Ryan to his belt test this morning and he is now a blue belt! While they were out and Colin played with his Cars, Andy and I played in the sewing room.

First, we made so- called "brag vests" for their Scouting patches. Ryan let me make his. thanks. I printed out this pattern. I bought some of the quilters Tru Grid and ironed it onto heavy weight sew in interfacing. I transferred the grid from the paper pattern and cut out the fabric one. Andy traced the edges with chalk, cut it out and sewed the shoulder seams. I had to help with the grommets - they were tough. All that was left was to thread the lace and sew on the patches!

Next we got to work on his Hungary Caterpillar quilt. He wants to show it in the guild quilt show. He finished the last two blocks, bordered the squares and assembled the top. I showed him how to spray baste the quilt sandwich. I need to get some more thread and some more time alone with Andy to quilt it. I'm going to show him how to quilt by machine and by hand. I need to track down some more of the Eric Carle fabric for the binding. I don't think I have enough left. Here it is ready to be quilted!

Next on the sewing agenda is to get more batting for my blue and white quilt so I can get that done in time for the show.

TGIF - 1/15/10

2010-01-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

Seems like death and disease is all around this week. It is times like this, when it is hard to see the good that around us that we need to take a close look at the blessings we do have.

home
heat
health
clean, healthy food and water
new tools
new toys (not as cool as your Kathy!)
simple solutions
fellowship
serenity (most of the time).
programming
York Pieces
rotissere chicken from S&S
"king" Ryan
Mo's
hot tea on a cold morning
40 degree weather!
spending money on me and not feeling guilty (almost).
being able to help (I hope) even a little bit.

WIP Wednesday 1/13/10

2010-01-13T09:04:00.004-05:00

My FO of the week wasn't even on the radar last week.

It is a chemo cap in some Homespun leftovers. (I think the rest of this skein was some sort of bag.) I went into a bit of the background yesterday, but the pattern is Braid-Edge Cap. I really liked the pattern. I did this on the size 8s and followed the directions for the smaller size, which gives a bigger hat with the bigger yarn and needles. As is always the case with gage, YMMV. I enjoyed this knit it was interesting enough to be fun but not complicated enough to be frustrating. The only thing I would do change if I were to do it again is to do a provisional cast on and graft the beginning to the end. Sure, a kitchner would be more work, but I'd rather have a grafted seam than a sewn one for a chemo cap - or any cap fpr that matter.

I've been attempting to replenish my Prayer Shawl supply to donate to the Church. First, I started Urchins and Limpets. LOVE the pattern. I did not love the yarn choice I made. Homespun. See for yourself.

I've got leftovers of sage and white in my stash. I may use those. I may pick up a couple of small skeins in other colors. I may not. I'm not ready to return to this one right this minute. What I am working on is the Shawl Ministry Prayer Shawl from the book Knitting for Peace (Christmas gift from Mom). Homespun again. I used the US 11s as suggested by the pattern, but the stitch pattern was just lost in this yarn. I went up to a US17. Mostly because I love working with this particular set of needles. smooth, soft and warm. I frogged out about 6 inches and started over.I'm on row 3. Not much to see. Pictures next week.

I've made progress on my socks. Heels are turned and I'm on the way up the leg.

Simple 4x2 rib, but I decided to stick alternating cables in the middle of each color band. Why? Well, why not? I just wanted something to break up the monotony. I made 4 pairs of basic rib socks for my guys for Christmas and varrying the rib repeat did little to hold my attention.

A negative times a negative is a poitive

2010-01-12T19:34:00.003-05:00

One of my goals for the new year (notice I didn't use the "R" word) is to be more positive - or at least to try to focus on the positive aspects of a situation. When life gives me lemons, I'll put them in my tea.

Some examples:

I was EXHAUSTED on Saturday but we had a great date night on Friday.
We ran out of heating oil last night but that last tank lasted us 11 months!
My job has a lot of down time but I get to knit.

Some situations are harder to see the gifts God has given me hidden in them.

My friend's husband passed away and it is so tragic I can barely comprehend it. Where is the gift there? For one, it has given me reason to be thankful for what I have and particularly the blessing of the last year. Each day we have together is a blessing to be cherished. It has also given me the opportunity to share my gift of knitting to bring her some measure of comfort in such a difficult time.

Along those line, I had another opportunity to give the gift of yarn this week. Another friend asked me to knit a cap for a family member who is just beginning chemo treatment. While I take no joy in anyone's illness, it is my pleasure to knit a cap for her. I'm throwing in a prayer shawl too. Both were lovingly knit with prayers of comfort, strength and health.

I had knit the two wraps for my Church's Prayer Shawl Ministry some time ago and was planning on dropping them off at the rectory this week. Looks like I'll have to replenish them first. That of course give me the opportunity to use up some of the yarn I have taking up space in my girl cave, try new patterns and do something I enjoy. In fact, making those shawls and that cap is just as healing for me as I intend it to be for the recipient. The patterns are simple and repetitive perfect for my own time of prayer and medetation. I often refer to my prayer shawls as "yarn rosary".

Now, how do I put a poitive spin on all of this laundry I need to put away, toys all over the living room and stacks of dirty dishes. Oh yes, we have plenty of clothes, food and enough leftover for way too many toys. Yes, we are blessed - not lucky.

Good Luck

2010-01-10T13:58:00.008-05:00

Have you gotten one of those "Forward this in the next 7 minutes and you'll have good luck" emails? Of course, if you don't, something aweful is about to happen, right? Yeah, right. I've never been one to actually think for a moment that Microsoft of Disney will make me rich by forwarding an email. sending on a seies of sentimental pictures will not bring me love, joy or wealth. Clicking on the "delete" button will not ruin my life, buisiness, home or bank account.

What did get me thinknig was the whole sentiment of "Good Luck". There was a time when I used to wonder why I had such bad luck. Why did bad things keep Happening to me? What did I do to deserve this sort of "bad lcuk". Now, the truth is, I don't believe in "luck" - I have faith. People talk about the "Luck of the Irish" and clearly know nothing about Irish history. The people of my ancestry had faith - not luck.

I have a faith in my God that if I stop talking and listen, I will hear the ansers that I need - even if they aren't what I want. I have faith that the bad times aren't punishment, but preparation. I have faith that my God has a plan for me. That plan requires no luck - only faith.

This isn't to say that I am going to sit back and let life happen to me. Quite to opposite. God helps those who help themselves, right? I have been given all of the tools that I need, but I need to take them out of the toolbox and build my life myself.

Luck is for those who lack faith.

TGIF 1/8/10

2010-01-08T09:53:00.001-05:00

under armor
layers, layer, layers!
confidence
ability
humor
kicking on doors (really.. that was a good thing!
knowing how to replace a doorknob.
Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake
life gives you lemons... put them in your tea!
the convention this w/e
buying stuff for ME! (and "window shopping" for me too)
sticks and string and time to knit
creativity
flexability (figurative - not literal - unfortunatley)
serenity to accept that I cannot change the weather, the courage to go to work anyway and the wisdom to wear lots of layers!

The war on Take Out

2010-01-07T21:07:00.000-05:00

The other night I made steak, salmon, sweet potato fries and green beans - all fresh (and on sale). Todd ate the steak. I had everything else. The boys went to bed hungry and complaining.

Whenever I ask "what would you like for dinner?" the answer is something like this

McDonalds
Pizza
Taco Bell
Chinese
Can we go to the Diner?

UGH!!!! This mom has had it with food out of a bag or box. It isn't healthy OR cheap to eat like that. Dinner has been too "Convenient" lately and we've all gotten used to it.

I put a moratorium on junk food and take out. NO MORE! school snacks are fruit and veggies. I may even go back to hot lunch on Fridays only.

I may even reward them for good behavior (in a month) with a trip to the Diner.

WIP wednesday 1/6/10

2010-01-06T12:37:00.008-05:00

This is actually an FO now, but I wanted to show you the WIP photos. The pattern is from Knitting Cables on the GO and is actually for fingerles mitts. I decided early on that I wnted my fingers to be warm too. Might have been that day the wind chill was -2 and I was standing on the tracks where it was probably more like -6. I devised a decrease method that sorked out well and they fit great. Notes on the decreases are here.

as I was about to start the thumb gussets, I realized that the stitch markers and stitch holders I normally have on me were stolen. It occured to me that I had plenty of paperclips in the office!

talk about a multipurpose tool! they worked great as markers, then I just slipped the thumb stitches on when the gussets were complete. The original pattern also called for an open thumb as well. The instructions are here.

I've cast on some socks for me next. It is my basic toe-up sock pattern with a 2x4 rib. I'm adding alternating cable twists just to make it interesting. Kim gifted me with the yarn (5th Avenue Socksation) and another ball for her BUT her feet are in WI, so I need her to send me a tracing so I know how big to make them. I'll start hers as soon as I know what size they want to be.

I am now thinking about the Ravelympics again - what shall I make? I'm thinking that I may re-work this pattern with a crochet lace. Need to chose yarn and so far, I'm thinking Cotton Ease.

TGIF - 1/1/10

2010-01-01T11:38:00.004-05:00

a new year, a new decade, a new laptop... yet the kids are having the same old argument over LEGO Star Wars on the Wii. There is still so much to be grateful for.

New traditions
New friends
a NYE party without a house full of drunks.
Hope
strength
Joy
New pack
being open to change
health care
dental too.
yarn
detachment
ingenuity
love
a good book and a cup of tea.
a challenge - or twenty
learning to listen
the circle - smaller but better
bracelet bling (materialistic I know - but I deserve it!)
a bear, a wolf and a monkey

Reflections of 2009

2009-12-30T12:00:00.006-05:00

It has certainly been an interesting year. So much has happened and much more has changed. The kids have grown so much and started new grades. I guess the best way is to take it kid by kid.

Andrew is now in 3rd grade. He's been dealing with a lot of social issues stemming from his developmental delays. He attended a social skills summer program and I think it may have done him a lot of good. He still has some problems, but he is doing his best to overcome them. We've switched his ADD meds adn I think that has a lot to do with it. He needs to do more of the work now and while it is difficult for him now, I think it is the best decision for him in the long run. He is now a purple belt in MMA and will be testing for blue in the next couple of months. He is also a Bear Cub Scout now and enjoying the new pack as well as racking up belt loops. In 2009, he celebrated his first communion - and is now disappointed that he has to wait until 4th grade to be an altar server.

Ryan is still the charmer - but now it is in the 2nd grade. He still can't sit still very well - which was making for a difficult first grade year, but 2nd is going SO much better! he had his best report card yet and for the first time ever he is at or above grade level in reading. His math test scores have all been over 100% (hmm... wonder where he gets that from...). We are really thrilled at the improvement and growth. Now, if only he can learn some patience. He had a med change too and again it is a change for the better. He is also a purple belt in MMA and will be testing for blue at the first test of the new year. Ryan is also racking up the new belt loops in Cub Scouts ( he is "winning" 4-3 right now) where he is a Wolf Cub. He has recived his first reconciliation and is studying for his First Communion - on Andy's Birthday.

Colin began ST through early intervention. He has ADD red flags all over the place, but no official diagnosis. Hist first SLP "diagnosed" him with a case of my-brothers-won't-shut-up-long-enough-for-me-to-learn-to-talk. we've worked with him to help him learn to assert himself and it has made a huge differance. He turned 3 and transitioned to the Pre-K program. He goes 5 mornings a week and has made some new friends. We're working on the potty thing. He has decided that he is too big for diapers, but the accidents are still quite frequent. Hopefully 2010 will be a diaper free year!

They are all happy and heathy and that makes me a happy Mommy.

Todd's story really ins't mine to tell, but I can tell you that while 2008 was a year of difficult health issues for him, 2009 was a year of healing. He is in such a better a better place I can't begin to tell you. We have had our bumps and trails as a couple, but we renewed our vows for our 10th anniversary as a symbol of a new begining for us.

As for me, I spent most of 2009 looking for a new job. I found one. It is an honest living and even ion my field, but a big step back career-wise. I'm notthrilled with that, but the pay isn't too bad and the job security is very good and right now that is what really counts. I'll ride out the rough economy as a construction inspector for the DOT and then move on to what I want. I was presented with an opportunity to guest lecture at CCSU - which I really enjoyed. It has alos given me reason to look back on my career and take note of its twists and turns. I think I may have finally figured out the path I've taken and the reason for it - but that is for me right now. I'll share with the world when I am ready to continue my journey. I have learned the art of detachment and the power of grattitude both of which have brought me a lot of serenity in a stressful world. I have also learned that prayer is a conversation and I need to stop talking and listen if I want to hear the answers. I've also come to accept thatwhile those answers may not be what I want, they are what I need.

So, that is it for 2009. As we move on to a new year and a new decade I wish you all peace, prosperity and joy.

WIP Wenesday

2009-12-29T06:31:00.004-05:00

remember way back when I used to do weekly WIP update? Now that I can blog somewhat regularly, I'm going to attempt to resurrect that. I'm also putting out the challenge to other knit/crochet/quilt/craft bloggers to join me for WIP Wednesday. Drop me a comment and I will add your link to my post.

Before I explain the photo, let me tell you a little story. I usually ride the train to work. I knit on the trains - nothing new there. Well, now I'm working at 3 different stations. I have a backpack with my knitting, makeup and about 30 pens. I also carry my clipboard stuffed with forms in it. I left my bag on the platform in SoNo (which has recnetly been made "famous" by this story) while my clipboard and I went to talk to the cops. There was a RR employee standing about 5 feet from it. I guess he went to go get a coffee and some crackhead swiped my knitting! Did I mention that this was Christmas knitting? I made matching socks for all of my boys. I was halfway done with Andy's -the last pair - when it was taken LESS THAN A WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! I ran back to Joann's got mre yarn and a new needle and managed to get a new pair done on Christmas Eve! AS frustrating as that was, I have to laugh because the joke was on the thief. There was nothing of any value to anyone but me in there. Good luck pawning a half knit pair of socks and some used lipgloss.

The hat is Star-Crossed Slouchy Beret from Strands of Me. The yarn is Debbie Mumm Traditions (Heather Haze) from Jo-Ann etc. It is a wool blend - soft and warm. It is a loosly spun single ply, so it can be a bit of a pita to work with. Each skein also had a knot in it which messed up the pattern repeat. The pattern was well written, easy to follow and fun to knit. I started it Saturday night and finished Sunday afternoon!

Right now I'm working on a pair of cabled gauntlets in the same yarn, but I have a feeling that they will end up being mittens. I'll post a picture of those next week. There isn't much to look at now.

I need to shovel out the sewing room and then I can post new pictures of my quilts. I am mid quilting on the feed sack sampler and I have another quilt top that needs batting, backing and quilting.

tightening the circle

2009-12-27T12:03:00.004-05:00

I've been doing a lot of reflecting these last few days. I suppose it is the new year coming. One thing I realized is that I've really tightened the circle of trust around me. In the past, I've let a lot of people in and trusted them. I thought that since they were my friends I could use their support. Instead of support, I got a lot of judgement. Some people just cut me out of their lives. Some decided to trash me behind my back. Others thought they knew what was best for me and told me - incessantly - what I should be doing then got upset when I didn't do it. None of those people know what it is like to be me. they don't know my boundaries or my limits. I have only truly learned what they are in the last 13 months. I've learned to trust myself.

There are some friends who have accepted me as me and support me in my efforts to grow as a person. I have made some new wonderful friends who do have an understanding of what I have been through as they are dealing with similar issues. They listen with love and understanding and offer support and advice based on their own experience. They respect my choice to take their advice or not as I see fit.

So, if you haven't heard from me much or you haven't seen me hanging out at my old haunts*, don't take it personally. I've tightened the circle of trust and I'm not in a place to loosen my grasp right now.

*except H&C - that has been a logistical problem which should be fixed in the near future. see you soon!

'Twas the Day After Christmas

2009-12-26T14:34:00.004-05:00

... and all through the house

every creature is stirring

and making me NUTS!!!

seriously... that jolly fat ass brought you a ton of shit and you are going to fight over a vidoe game that you've had for almost a year? how about you jump on the wii fit+ and burn off some of that sugar.

Come to think of it, this jolly fat ass should kick them both off of the wii and do some yoga... since there isn't an s-factor for the wii (yet).

So, you can expect a return to regular blogging now that Santa brought the kids a new Laptop. We stopped our internet service shortly after the old one pooped out, so I am "borrowing" an unsecured signal until we reinstate it. I am currently researching our option since we also got rid of the land line. I hate the cable company with a passion words cannot express, so we won't be spending a penny there. I'm open to other suggestions. It looks like AT&T now offers internet with no home phone service, but that would also require us to switch cell phone carriers - which may not be a bad idea. Anyway, there are options to weigh and plans to compare, so bear with me.

For now I try for 2 weekly posts - an weekly recap and TGIF. The TGIFs are really for me, but I hope you are all inspired by them to do the same. It is really quite powerful when you get down to it.

Christmas recap:

lots of Wii games, the netpal and Cars for Colin. Todd got a GPS, some DVDs and we both got new tires for the car (amazing what happens when you grow up, huh?). I got a couple movies and lots of bling for my Pandora bracelet. most of all, a healthy hubby and 3 happy kids. 2009 has been a pretty good year to me, but that'll be another post.

Thanks for the Giving

2009-11-26T01:02:00.002-05:00

I've really missed my TGIF posts, so what better time to post one than Thanksgiving?

My family - of course
Finding new friends
Fellowship and the other fellowship
growth and discovery
food on the table, a roof over our heads, a car in the driveway and a paycheck in the mailbox.
Hockey tickets
babysitters
my super smart cousin who told Santa about the Disney computer
having a family room again (hmm... I think a pole would look nice there.)
planning for the future
learning that prayer is a conversation and that if I shut up and listen I can hear the answers.
not making decisions based on fear.
being wanted when not needed.
new opportunities.
looking forward, onward and upward.

A long overdue update

2009-11-24T00:06:00.005-05:00

I know. I know.... I miss my blog - even if no one reads it, it makes me happy. The good news is that one of Santa's elves just told me a new laptop may be under the tree. (Actually, I Santa may set it up ahead of time and put a bow on the amoire for the kids to find after all the rest of the gifts are opened.) My very smart and very cool cousin Kerry just told me about the Disney Netpal and it looks perfect for the kids (and I can blog on it).

so, a quick round up....

Andy and Ryan are pretty much the same - just taller. They are both still in MMA, but Ryan is now a higher rank than Andy (D'oh).

Ryan actually is having his best year yet academically, but best of all NO behavior issues. Andy's grades are pretty good, but his effort is lacking. If he did more than the minimum, he'd have all A's. He is also going to get OT for his handwriting and they are having him work on typing to help him keep up cognitively - hence the kid friendly computer.

Colin is now in Pre-K and LOVING it. He was the only student in his class for a while, but now he has two new friends. They are going to increase his class time to 5 mornings a week - YAY! He is going to have such a great time. He wants to get on the bus every morning anyway. That will start after Thanksgiving break. He wants to take karate too, but we told him he has to go poopy on the potty first.... soon enough...

Todd is back in MMA as well. I should actually start with - Todd is back. there are no words to truly explain what the last year has been like for us. The changes he has made in himself are astounding. He is a new man, and trust me the changes are for the better. Our lives now are so different from what they were last year that it is sometimes hard for me to remember what it was really like then. Don't get me wrong, the insanity isn't 100% gone, but now it is just fun insanity - or kid related.

As for me... I don't know where to start. The new job is OK. The work is easy. The hours are... well they vary. I'm at the end of a 3 month night rotation now. The nights are sometimes hard, but it does offer me a lot of flexibility for the days. I am actually going to guest lecture at CCSU this morning and I'm looking forward to it. It is really amazing what opportunities have opened themselves up to me now that my decisions are based on my own desire.

how about some pics?

I am doing a BOTM on Ravlery and I'm assembling the strips and lap quilting them. The print fabrics are vintage feed sacks. This is the first strip:

The back pieced from the scraps

the first block of the next strip

scraps from that block for the backing strip

This is a top that I threw together last week from strips in my stash.

As you can see, I've been in more of a sewing mood lately. I have been knitting too, but mostly boring utilitarian socks for work.

The return of TGIF 9/4/09

2009-09-04T20:27:00.008-04:00

First... this is a temporary return. I will get back to regular blogging when things settle out a bit more. Things are going well.. but it is a journey.

A cool new job with a great boss and a interesting yet pleasant cast of characters.
Three big kids in school (pictures are comming).
Colin's "big" Pre-K classroom (OK - so he is the only kid in his class... REALLY!)
A healthy hubby.
A family room that is a family room again!!!
knitting
quilting - Goddess pictures are comming too. they are on Mom's computer
the great big list
The other even bigger list
my Sunday night gang
Birthday Boy #1

(yeah that is a pile of Bakugan Birthday Cake Balls! )

Birthday boy #2

(That is a Tofutti "ice cream" cake.)

sanity and serenity
being back on the bike
Brown Gables

So... Here is the thing with these lists. The concept is taken form Mama Gena. But it is really about (for me) self-reflection. I take stock of every thing that I have and see how blessed I really am. Then I make a list of my desires ..big and small. It helps me put things in perspective. Where I'm comming from and where I am going.

Well, last week, I wasn't able to get to the blog, but I put pen to paper. I wrote and wrote and wrote. The thoughts just came pouring out and didn't want to stop! Then I took a look back at what I wrote. Suddenly.... my life made sense. The path I've taken.. the twists.. the turns... falling off of a cliff of two...

The most amazing thing I realized was that I know now where it is I want my life to be headed. Still not sure how I'm going to make it from here to there, but I now have a clear goal in mind. I'm refreshed, relieved and inspired!

so... go make you own list of grattitudes and desires! enjoy!

Welcome to Brown Gables!

2009-07-27T16:58:00.004-04:00

Since the economy needed a little boost, we thought we'd do our part and buy a new vacation home.

Andy and I are reading "Anne of Green Gables" so we thought it appropriate to name it Brown Gables.

After a test run in the back yard, we packed up and went up to Webb Mountain Park. The boys really had a blast hiking, mountain biking and making s'mores. We also took a trip down the road to the Webb Mountain Discovery Zone. Seriously COOL place. We hiked the short loop (about a mile) and plan a couple of day trips for the other two loops.

We picked Andy up after day camp and drove up to Webb Mountain. It is about a half hour from us and 3 miles from my parents. We stayed 2 nights and I think that was just about the right length for our first tent trip. We hiked them till they dropped then had the grand-parents over for dinner. They slept early and solidly. The best part... they slep in!

The older two already have a trip scheduled with Daddy and Papa in MA next week. They are also asking to go back to Webb Mtn too, so at least one more trip before school starts.

Time Warp!

2009-07-07T20:48:00.003-04:00

can't believe it's been almost 2 months! I need to upload some pics, but we've got:

Andy's Birthday
book reviews
crafty stuff (crochet dodecahedrons, Andy's quilt, Goddess quilt and sock monsters)
our new vacation home
Colin's ST
PPTs for Andrew and Colin
book reviews (hint- Twilight series=rediculously predictable)

stay tuned!

oh - and thanks Mary for pointing out that I'm WAAAAYYY behind.

I'm also working on updates and caping tips for my Daddy Day Camp Blog.

A New Hope

2009-05-12T12:53:00.006-04:00

Colin has a LOT of words, but he isn't really putting them together. He understands everything we say. He follows instructions (usually). So, we had him screened by Birth to Three. He is beind on the speech and fine motor. He lost points on the fine motor because he couldn't sit still long enough to complete the task. He showed signs of impulsivity, hyperactivity and inattentiveness. Sound familiar? yeah.. not official yet, but it looks like he may have ADD/ADHD like his brothers and father.

So, all this means that he will get speech and other services (we set up his therapies on Friday) at home this spring/summer and he'll start pre-k on his birthday or the first day of school (whichever is later).

He is also at that "fun" stage where he rips his diaper off the second it gets wet, but he won't use the potty either. So, I made him a backpack that he can carry around his diapers etc in. It has a waterproof PUL lining and pockets perfect for diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer and Hot Wheels. I also made a matching changing pad which fold to fit the bottom of the bag, a PUL bag for wet/dirty diapers/clothes and, of course, a diaper. I'd actually inteded to make the diaper a pull-on type, but it isn't very streachy and it doesn't pull-on very well.

The diaper bag will double nicely as a school backpack in the fall! (The bag is a scaled down Chelsea Tote from Lazy Girl Designs.)

The ensemble:

Backpack and diaper in action:

Inside (empty & stuffed):

you want an example of the hyperactivity? Here are the outtakes from the photoshoot:

Fun, isn't he? He's so cute I can't stand it!

Communion Revisited

2009-05-10T14:11:00.003-04:00

more pictures from the communion...

FO Round Up.

2009-05-03T12:38:00.001-04:00

Once the Anniversary Shawl was done, I could wrap up the other projects I had going.

First, I finished Todd's Heavy Metal Monkey socks.

Then I finished off my socks to go with my Tubey sweater.

After everything was done... I needed a new project.

fraternal Jaywalkers for Todd.

SO grown up!

2009-05-02T12:22:00.001-04:00

Andy made his first Communion a week ago. For those of you who arent' Catholic, it is a HUGE deal - a major rite of passage. What has been really interesting to watch is how he's started paying attention and following along in Mass. I suppose it all makes a LOT more sense now that he know what is going on and why.

Anyway... I'll let the pictures speak for themselves...

more pictures to come once I get them from my FIL.

TGIF- 5/1/09

2009-05-01T12:17:00.002-04:00

it's been a while...

my boys
Sunday night buddies
thursday night buddies
leftovers in the freezer (haven't had to cook in weeks!)
reasons to celebrate
Faith
detachment
clarity
serenity
more FOs and less WIPs

Ooops - I did it again!

2009-04-30T15:40:00.006-04:00

A few years ago, my parentsw participated in our Church's Anniversary Mass. It is a mass vow renewal for couples celebrating 10th, 25th, 40th and 50th anniversaries. Todd thought it was cool and suggested we should do it for our 10th and at the time I agreed.

Well, year #9 has been a really rough one. At one point I found myself holding the business card of a divorce lawyer. I wont get into specifics, but things needed to change. Luckily (for him) they did and now we are able to work through the rest of the issues. Things aren't perfect, but we're human and therefore imperfect. Marriage is a constant effort, but now I find myself wanting to work at it again.

As our actual anniversary approaches (May 22), we are re-learning who we both are and how our relationship works. What better way to make a fresh start than to renew our vows?

See my shawl? Yeah.. I finished it in time! I started it last June and it got tossed in a corner as the shit hit the fan. Once it became clear that things were changing for the better, I pulled it out and got back to work on it. I finished it at 2am - the ceremony was at 11! I really like how it came out.

I took this photo in the garden mom planted in her yard for my wedding pictures.

Here are some detail shots. The lace blocks are Lillies of the Valley and Heather - both of which were in my wedding boquet. I also crocheted some beads on the hem to give it some weight at the ends.

Knit Two

2009-03-23T12:54:00.000-04:00

I was pretty anxious to read Knit Two after I finished The Friday Night Knitting Club. I did enjoy it, but honestly, I didn't think it was nearly as good as the first book. I found it a bit disconnected. The ladies have lost the tie that bound them together - the club. sure, they still meet, but, it is no longer binding them.

The ending was all tied up in a neat little bow, which I think a lot of the readers were disappointed in the first book. I prefer an ending that keps me thinking about the book - and talking about it.

The part that lost me was when Darwin went into the restroom to breastfeed her babies. Seriously??? A feminist. A professor of women's studies. and she is feeding her babies in a public bathroom??? I realize that she became far more "domestic" following the birth of her babies, but, that is SO far out of charachter - not to mention nasty and just plain wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy it. It was a good read, but not as good as the first.

Ode to My Brother

2009-03-22T12:42:00.003-04:00

It was his sisters he liked to harass
That is how he earned the nickname Tom-ass

To lofty goals in school he did aspire
That was until he set his pants on fire!

Kid sister grew up and get her degree
Now, guess who works for me?

A passer-by inquired "are you drilling for oil?"
I laughed as his blood began to boil!

He is son, brother friend, husband and dad
For him we all are glad

Most of all I'm glad you're older than me
Especially now that you are turning 40!

Happy Birthday Tom!

Yes, I still knit.

2009-03-16T14:50:00.002-04:00

Remember Tubey? Well, it's done!

Check out the cuff/hem detail. I did a single crochet BO in the lighter Rose color then another round of reverse single crochet. I really like the finish of the edge - and it is a nice streachy BO.

If you've been keeping track, then you know how I feel about having a stash of yarn. I also like wearing this sweater with a grey skirt. So, I am making a matching pair of socks.

I've actually turned the heels and started the cuff. soon, I'll add the stripes. I'm thinking of doing the same BO on the socks as well. More on those soon, but they are on the back burner as I finish the anniversary stole (more on that when it's done).

Something for Me

2009-03-14T14:13:00.005-04:00

This another Town Purse with a Wonder Wallet to match. The purse pattern includes the eye glass case. All three patterns are fun and very simple. I've made them before and I'm sure I'll do it again.

The fabrics came from a Fat Quarter bundle. I lined it in muslin - I find it easier to find things inside my purse than with a patterned print.

I did modify the WW a bit. I omited the inner coin pocket and made an outer zippered coin pocket. I added a box pleat since I always seem to have about $5 in pennies.

TGIF- 3/13

2009-03-13T18:01:00.001-04:00

FAITH
patience
new "friends"
needle and thread
yarn and sticks
things to hit
friends to hit them with
books
sanity

Fiber Engineering

2009-03-12T17:49:00.000-04:00

What happens when an engineer gets laid off and takes up quilting?

It is a schematic site plan drafted in fabric and thread. The site is completely ficticious. The Plan is highly schematic - no real details or measurements. The quilting serves as the "hatching" in the plan.

I was inspired by the old (and I do mean OLD) linnen drawings. They are worna nd frayed on the edges, rumpled and worn - but still quite readable! I just love the marriage of engineering and fabric.

The color scheme is borrowed from the more modern (but still obsolete) blue prints. The entire quilt is in shades of blues and white.

The style of the "drawing" is a modern one - like I may do in AutoCAD. Complete with project notes, north arrow and graphic scale.

The quilters I've showed it to scratch thier heads adn critique my poor applique skills - which was actually a deliberate design decision. Contractors, engineers and others in the biz have had quite a different "that is so effin cool!" reaction.

For now it hangs in my sewing room - soon it'll be in my new office.

More sewing and some knitting still to come!

Doing not Blogging

2009-03-09T17:02:00.000-04:00

Now I suppose I need to blog about what I've done. I'll spread it out over a couple posts for suspense. You're welcome!

One of the "upsides" of being unemployed is that I actually get to attend the meetings for the quilt guild I belong to. I have to say that living in a house full of men (big and small) then sitting in a room with 200 women is more than a little culture shock! They are a great bunch of ladies though. So kind and a wealth of information. I also got roped into (OK - I volunteered) handling the raffle tickets for a quilt the guild is putting together. the drawing is to be at the show (4/2010) and the two are our biggest fundraisers. Mom is chairing the committee putting the quilt together - so there is cerainly more to come on that one!

We donate a lot of the money from the raffle and the show to local charities and we use a bit to buy supplies to make "comfort quilts". A few years back, one of our members got a call from Paul Newman. He asked if ther guild would be interested in making some quilts for his Hole in the Wall Camp here in CT. When the kids need to go to the infirmary, they are wrapped in hand made quilts and if they should need to go to the hospital, then their quilt will go too. Would you say no to Paul Newman? Neither did she or the guild.

To that end, we had a workshop/sew-in last month. we brought our machines to a church basement and grabbed our kits and went to work. I got my entire top pieced that day and it was completely done, bound and ready to go in three days!

Derby Days!

2009-03-07T17:28:00.002-05:00

Pinewood Derby time! Ryan placed 3rd in the Tigers' Den.

He was quite proud of himself! He should be! He made his car by himself! Well, one of the dads carved the blocks into car shapes that the kids picked.

Andy didn't place in his Den, but you know what? He is very proud of his vampire car - which he also made himself!

Killer book

2009-02-07T19:45:00.003-05:00

This was a bit more of an intellectual read than Heroin Diaries, but a fascinating book indeed. It takes an in-depth look at the marketing and development of the drug as well as the spread of its devastating addiction and the movement to fight it.

What astounds me is that pain experts and the drug maker themselves honestly believed (initially anyway) that OxyContin wouldn't be appealing to addicts - even non-addicting due to its time-release properties. They even went so far as to say that the pills could not be crushed or injected. They later changed their tune on that one. Millions of people have proven that one wrong.

What I still can't comprehend is how people slept at night knowing that their drugs were destroying lives and killing people. They could have stopped it sooner, but ignored the early warnings and continued to push their pills. I suppose they are still making money even if it is being sold on the streets. Money talks I suppose...

This book was equally as disturbing as Heroin Diaries, but in a completely different way. What I did enjoy about the book is that is was written in a fair and journalistic manner. Well, it was as unbiased as it could be considering that Purdue Pharma refused to participate of even respond to the author's questions.

It is an insightful look into the business of pills and the birth of an epidemic.

Addictive Reading

2009-02-01T19:57:00.006-05:00

Dear Blog,

Sorry to have kept you waiting for my latest shenanigans, but, you see, I've been busy reading, quilting, knitting and job hunting. More on the craftiness later (like when I actually finish a project). I have, however, finished a book recently and started another.

Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star by Nikki Sixx. Why did I pick it up? Honestly, JR left it on the couch and I picked it up during Todd's turn at wii Bowling (I won btw...). 24- hours later, I was done. A rock star strung out on heroin and freebasing coke doesn't have a lot of big words.

Nikki Sixx kept a diary from Christmas 1986 to Christmas 1987 - while he was writing, recording and touring for the Girls Girls Girls album. It is an honest, disturbing and twisted account of his world at the time - a dark look into the mind of an addict. The entries of his diary are punctuated with his reflections of the incident as well as the commentary of the people in his life at the time.

As fascinating as it is in and of itself, I think it is an essential piece of literature (yes - I really do mean literature) for anyone who knows, loves or interacts with an addict. It will open your eyes to the mind of the addict.

Now, I'm reading Pain Killer: A "Wonder" Drug's Trail of Addiction and Death by Barry Meier. The story of OxyContin. notice a theme?

Tubular

2009-01-06T15:01:00.004-05:00

so, after about a year of deliberation, queuing and un-queueing and debating yarns and fibers, I have finally cast on Tubey. I decided on Wool-Ease (it was on sale) though I am considering future versions in cashmere and cotton.

The Wool Ease is a worsted weight and the pattern calls for Aran weight. I ended up going down to US 4 & 5 to get a fabric that I like - so I am knitting to my measurements as opposed to following the pattern size specifically. I've got the back and about 2/3 of one sleeve done.

Colin helped with the photoshoot....

TGIF- 2008 in review

2009-01-02T12:53:00.003-05:00

Since the year went out flipping me the bird on the way, it is tough for me to look through all of the crap to see all of the things that I am grateful for and they are there...

friends old an new
pleasant surprises
seeing old friends in new ways
taking a walk on the "wild side"
turning 33
my beautiful boys
having everything we NEED
knowing what we NEED
tea - and the "tea fairy" who leaves me a fresh pot every morning
being appreciated, worshiped and adored
clarity of mind
strength of character
talent
generosity
beating up "bob" and hip tosses
the ability to help - and to accept help.

mostly.. I am not only gateful, but blessed to have the man that I married back. I missed him.

weekend in review

2009-01-01T20:40:00.003-05:00

One of my FAVORITE Christmas gifts was a copy of Kate Jacobs' novel The Friday Night Knitting Club. I absolutely devoured this book in about 48 hours. I hate when I do that. I really enjoy a book and get sucked into it. I can't put it down. then... It is over too fast. sigh...

I enjoyed every page. There were some plot twist that I was SURE I had it all figured out, but, nope.. we were off on another path.

wonderfully written. well paced and the plot just seems to fly off the needles.

yes, there is the "K" word in the title and yes, there is yarn on the cover. BUT this is not just a book for knitters. This "club" could just as easily have been quilters or a book club or any other hobby group. we knitters know that we are an ecelctic group, but this book really shows the muggles how diverse we really are.

As much as I loved it, I'll not be putting it in hubby's "must read" stack (aka the bathroom book case) - and he is a knitter (as of last night)! This is a good book for anyone who enjoys a good "chik flick" or "chick lit". My copy also included a discussion guide in the back - presumably for book club use.

Tea time review

2008-12-29T20:32:00.005-05:00

The boys got a lot of really cool stuff from Santa (including the Wii!) but the #1 hit was from Gradma. I saw it in a magazine and decided the boys HAD to have it - only to find out she had already bought it. glad one of us did... because they LOVE it!

It is a tea set from http://www.greentoys.com/ serioulsy COOL toys! nice big teapot and good sized cups. It even has a creamer, sugar bowl and spoons! The best part? It is made right here in the US out out 100% recycled milk bottles collected curbside. It is also apporved by the FDA for food contact.

LOVE it! great toy. environmentally friendly and safe!

next post - book review - Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs

I need to be more specific

2008-12-14T17:19:00.002-05:00

In my list of grattitudes, I included "long delicous kisses". well, I was met with a bag of Hershey Kisses shortly after I wrote that. not what I had in mind, but yummy none the less.

My Christmas list and other desires

2008-12-06T12:27:00.003-05:00

in case you were wondering...

sock blanks and dyes from Knit Picks
32" - 2.25mm Harmony circular needle
luscious fiber and yarn
Ladybug wheel (a girl can dream, can't she?)
a fabulous wardrobe
Perfume from hubby
new everday dinner dishes from hubby
new doors
peace, health and calm in my home
a hot cup of tea and a chocolate cuppycake.
more of Grandma's rasin bread.
new toys (I cant wait to see what I'm getting in my swaps!)
wii fit (assuming Santa brings the family a Wii - and I hear he is!)
long delicous kisses
passion
attention
strength (I'm runnung a bit low right now..)
a Manwich meal
iTunes gift cards
sleeping in
an ear and a shoulder
a decadant dinner out with no kids and cloth napkins
more iBras
new contacts (yeah.. I know.. I need to drag my ass to the eye dr.. 'cause I do'nt have enough dr appts already..)
new "jewlery"
lunch.

TGIF 12/5/08

2008-12-05T12:21:00.004-05:00

tough week this week...

a ride to the train station on an icy morning.
patience
my pretty pink wraps
receiving comfort by giving it
friends who really listen
reassurance from Katy
perfect EKGs
subs
being positive - and doing positive things - even if it all seems to hard at the time.
long talks and car rides
hockey tickets
hip toss on ice (I was impressed!)
my new jersey!

"Goin' to a Party"

2008-12-03T12:36:00.003-05:00

I had a roommate at RPI who collected Eeyore. She had one talking one who said "Goin' to a party.." when you pushed a button. I don't know if hers was defective, haunted or possessed, but it would randomly talk to me when he and I were alone in the room... creepy. It is a good thing I liked my roomie so much or Eeyore might have had an unfortunate accident in teh basement of the JEC... (that is where we CivE's kept all of our ~~toys~~ tools for breaking shit. Fun place!)

Anyway... I'm feeling a bit like Eeyore these days. I'm feeling like the Universe has taken a big crap on my life and my house. It is hard to remain optomisitic in the middle of a shit storm. Seems like the only thing that makes me smile these days are my kids - but they get me aggrivated too...

This is the part of this post that I was going to list all of the crap that has happened to us in the last month. I deleted it. Some of it is information that really isn't mine to publicize, but, mostly i don't want to focus any mor eenergy than I need to on it.

What really sucks is that I have little to no control over ANY of it. mostly, I just need to sit and wait it out. I hate that! I can't just do nothing! So, I've decided to crank up the TSO, put away the Halloween decorations (no- not joking) and get ready for Santa because he WILL be here before we know it! I hear Wii may be having a very nice Christmas....

Ryan's B-day and PDK (aka KIP)

2008-12-01T11:58:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, Ryan turned 6. 6??? 6!!!! I can hardly believe it!!!

He's had a hard time adjusting to the ups and downs and insecurity of the last few weeks. Homecoming was off to a bumpy start. His birthday gift from mom and dad was never more needed than this week.

My kids have too much stuff. I did laundry yesterday - their dressers are bursting. They have SO many toys that they don't even know what they have or where it is. Bookshelves overflow into piles on the floor. They have bins of craft supplies that don't even close. With Christmas right around the corner, the last thing we want to do is fill our house up with MORE crap that will take up space and be unappreciated. what to do?

Ryan is a hockey fan (and a hockey player!) so we took him to a Sound Tigers (Islanders) game. it happened that the closest game to his b-day was Friday night against the Wolfpack (Rangers) - always a good game. Even better? the Kids' Club (which he is a member) had an open skate before the game! He got to skate on the ice at the Arena. How cool was that? it was his first time on skates this season and he fell a lot, but he just kept getting right back up! even the security guard was impressed! Mommy was proud!

(I insisted on the helmet - the pads were his idea!)

During the game, he had a great time wearing his new jersey, eating his "fluffies" and watching the game. He really got into it!

At one point the camera man came up into our section in the stands (110 - bar stool section) and put him up on the big screen! he loved hamming it up! Then, he panned up from Ryan to the ice and caught this shot

yes.. I knit while I watch hockey! Really.. this can't surprise you.

TGI Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T12:59:00.002-05:00

TGIF will be a day early this week due to Thanksgiving... seems more appropriate today.

it wasn't worse
not being home alone
having my husband back (he better stay this way!)
ice cream (mmmm)
tea
alarm systems
friends
medical care
blog awards
trust
faith
fantasy

It's My First Time...

2008-11-26T12:12:00.003-05:00

receiving a blog award. This is from Meghann the award reads: "This blog invests in and accredits closeness."

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award".

Even though Meghann claims that she isn't good at following my blog, I suppose she's read enough to know that I needed it today. So I have gracioulsy accepted this award and pass it on with pleasure to some of the nicest bloggers I know:

and in my spare time...
Vegan Heart Doc
Cygknit

Missives From Suburbia

FMFO

Veronica Revisited
Glass by Adelina
indigirl

In other news... Todd comes home today. I installed an alarm system last night. JR has a pouinding headache, but is otherwise OK.

home invasion

2008-11-25T10:14:00.000-05:00

As if there isn't enough drama in my life... one of those shit head punks from next door (had to be them) broke in my house this morning. went through my purse and took some cash (left more cash, vicoden and my mp3 player...and the portable DVD player was on the floor.) JR came upstairs to make tea and must have startled them and they pushed him down the stairs. he hit his head. said he was OK, but he seemed a little out of it to me. I've had ENOUGH. those punks are getting the smack down.

TGIF 11/21/08

2008-11-21T12:40:00.001-05:00

understanding
compassion
helping hands
hot tea and warm hugs
yarn & needles
my new bag gloves & pretty pink wraps
hitting things hard and often
hip tosses
free haircuts
self confidence
clarity
conviction
working heat
more tea
compliments
uninterrupted sleep
dinner plans
hockey tickets

Clarity

2008-11-19T12:17:00.003-05:00

For the last 12 years or so, I've been doing whatever I could to make life easier for Todd to deal with his BPD. I've walked on eggshells, handled him with Kidd gloves. I've buffered him from the world. there were time I've had to remind him to take his meds. There were also many times I had to beg, plead and bribe him to take them.

For the most part, he did what he was supposed to. Took his meds and behaved himself. Inevitably, something happens. He gets sick, seasonal change, extreme stress... and he is off his meds and out of whack (not always in that order...). Then, I am left to deal with the fallout - much of it he never remembers. I do. I am left to work, cook, clean and care for the kids. All while trying to minimize the crap that I know is coming. My friends and family keep telling me how strong I am. Well I am TIRED of being strong! I want normal, calm mundane and even a bit boring would be nice.

This past Saturday, he became suicidal. I called 911. He was so pissed at me for ruining his plans that he told me he was going to refuse his meds, sign himself out and file for divorce. Now, my initial reaction was the usual. I pleaded with him to take his pills. I told him we would work through this. Then I went outside to call home and check on the kids (no, they didn't witness any of the chaos. they think Daddy is in the hospital because of his concussion.). When I came back into his room, he was asleep and I decided to go home. I left my number with his nurse and asked her to keep me posted.

While I was driving home, I started thinking "What if it comes to divorce? What am I going to do?" you know what I realized? I can hire a hot young manny and move on with my life. I took a mental look around my life and took note of just how many friends and family were there to support me. It was a great deal more than I had ever realized before. Most importantly, the boys and I would be just fine.

This little epiphany has taken away the fear of the "what if". I now know that whatever is ahead of me, I am OK with it and I am going to be OK. Somewhere along the way I started to lose sight of my self, my desires, and my happiness. It is time I try to remember what they were. After all, if Mommy isn't happy.. no one is.

I am through tip-toeing around Todd. He needs to face life - and his meds and man it up. This isn't to say that I am going to pursue the divorce. I'm not. Not at this point anyway. My husband is the love of my life and when things are good (which is most of the time) they are VERY good. I am giving him the chance to take control of his health and engage in his life and his family. If he doesn't care about himself, why should anyone else?

I'm sure I probably sound like a bitch. I have been scared, hurt, angry and now, I'm beyond that. I have reached acceptance. I have accepted whatever is ahead of me and I am ready to face it.

so much to say...

2008-11-18T12:53:00.007-05:00

This has not been a great week 'round these parts. (<-- understatement of the century!)

There is so much I want to say and so much I need to say, but I can't. I keep finding myself staring at a blank post with my fingers in the "home position" and I am just at a loss...

Partly, it is because this is rather personal. Partly because it is still fresh and raw. Mostly though, I think it is because I am still sorting out what it is exactly that I am thinking and feeling.

I think the biggest blog-blocker is that I don't want to be judged. I don't want advice. If I didn't think that my experience would help someone else, I'd just scribble my thoughts in my journal (the paper kind - so I can burn it on my death bed) and be done with it. I have some wonderful friends - more than I knew - that have been there to hold me up these last few days. They've also let me fall apart when I needed to - and I did/do need to. Sometimes it is enough to make a pot of tea, hand me a box of Kleenex and listen.

Once I gather my thoughts into something coherent, I will try again to share my adventures in bipolar land.

Happy Birthday Mon!

2008-11-15T12:43:00.003-05:00

When we went to the hockey game for my birthday, JR asked me no less than 6 times to knit him a rasta hat. Since his birthday was in a few weeks, I went yarn shopping the next day. It was a fun knit, though it did turn out a bit big. I used some of the 1mm beading elastic that is knit into the ribbing to cinch up the back to make it fit.

the end result:

Yarn: Lion Boucle Multi in the "Sherbert" colorway (I think). I carried a strand of 1mm beading elasting through the ribbing.

Needles: US 6 & 8 (KP Options)

Pattern: Rasta Hat by Shannita Williams-Alleyne

Ravelink: http://www.ravelry.com/projects/herself75/rasta-hat

TGIF 11/14

2008-11-14T12:39:00.003-05:00

caring friends in a time of need
modern medicine
tea
wine
yarn
rainchecks
sick days
skelaxin
persecription coverage
an outlet
the new "roomie"
free MP3 downlods (legally!)
ABBA
writing
crying
laughing
being right
foregiveness
apologies
chocolate

Bobcat

2008-11-13T12:03:00.003-05:00

Last night, Andy & Ryan earned their Bobcat badges! and a really neat neacklace too!

They also got their pinewood derby car kits last night. Daddy is excited about helping them build! I hear Uncle JR wants to help too...

Green Belts

2008-11-12T12:54:00.003-05:00

On Nov. 1, Andy and Ryan tested for their green belts. Their first real belt tests. They actually needed to KNOW stuff for the test. They did great.

Daddy is looking at getting his brown belt around Christmas time.

TGIF 11/7/08

2008-11-07T12:26:00.004-05:00

the right to vote
grandparents that baby sit
friends
love
lust
lessons in love
pen and paper
new tricks
2 for 1 specials
tea
cold medicine
sleep
a rainy day ride home
appreciative knitwear recipients
hockey tickets (2 games this weekend!)

Does this President come with a Warranty?

2008-11-05T12:15:00.002-05:00

I feel like our nation has just bought a used car. Sure, It looks great and the engine sounds good. We haven't even taken it for a test drive yet. I really hope it isn't a lemon.

Maybe I'm a cynic. Maybe I'm just bitter. I just don't trust or believe anything a politician has to say. Obama talked a big game, made a lot of promises, but all he has done so far is get elected. Now this is truly an historic event, but it isn't enough to turn this country around. Come January 20, he needs to stand behind those promises and make this country a better place to live, work and raise a family.

Election Day

2008-11-04T12:22:00.004-05:00

It is Election Day here in the great US of A. If this is news to you, please, do the rest of us a favor - stay home. Don't vote.

I have made my choice and I will be voting this evening. I am, however, underwhelmed by the options given. I think we are screwed no matter what. I also think that our choice for VP is probably more important now than in any other election. scary actually.If the old white guy wins, he may not live out his term, but if the young black guy wins, well... lets hope they hire extra secret service... ignorant assholes abound (let's just hope they don't vote).

the thing is... I'm fed up. none of the candidates really impress me. I can't get passionate about any of them. the Democrats started campaigning early and hard for the nominations. so much so that by the time the primaries rolled around I was already reaching election overload. Now, when it counts, I'm almost to the point of not caring any more. Almost. I intend to reserve my God given right as an American to complain for the next four years.

I'm tired of the mud slinging. I'm tired of being told why I shouldn't vote for the other candidate. I'm tired of being told what the parties think I want to hear. I don't want to be sold a used car. I'm pretty sure that neither candidate is the Antichrist, Hitler or Darth Sideous. We have a system of checks and balances so that our nation won't descend into an evil Empire. Although, much of the world assumes we already have.

Now, today... it is almost over. FINALLY. but, until 8pm EST I still need to endure the "get out and vote" campaign. It was written on my bus. The cunductor reminded us to vote at every station stop. Most of my friends have changed thier Facebook status to reflect thier vote (the rest are in Canadian).

Yes, I KNOW it is time to vote. I will vote.. now, can we get back to the "real" news. I need to get caught up on Brittney Spears' latest baby daddy drama and Linday Lohan's criminal record...

Ode to Joy

2008-11-03T15:32:00.003-05:00

Surround yourself with Joy and it will lift you just as easily as other's sorrow will drag you down.

It can be hard to chose what you surround yourself with. You don't want to abandon those you love when they need your support because it brings you down. But you can seek joy.

What is nice is when Joy finds you.

Recently, I was witness to a friend receiving some wonderful news. The next day was filled with the childish joy of Halloween (and candy!). Then, I watch a friend as he went head over heels for a decent, deserving woman. I've known him more than 10 years and I have never seen him so happy.

Now, none of this directly affects me. I wasn't waiting for any test results and I'm an old married lady. So why do I feel like I'm on cloud 9? Is it their joy surrounding me... or do I just need to get a life of my own?

TGIF - Halloween Edition

2008-10-31T11:59:00.004-04:00

tricks
treats
putting pen to paper
trains that actually show up when/where they are supposed to.
sleep
tea
costumes
friends
understanding
phone calls
B's great news & being there to share the joy with her
celebrations planned for tomight
the power and confidence and control I've gained in the last 12+ moths of class

BOO!

2008-10-30T11:50:00.003-04:00

It's like a ghost blog this week....

I'm writing - but nothing I can blog.

I'm knitting - but nothing I can blog.

my kids have the pre-Halloween crazies and I'm going crazy. I'm going to need the night out on Friday...

stay tuned for some spooky TGIF tomorrow.

Can't come to the blog right now...

2008-10-28T12:04:00.002-04:00

well.. I suppose I can .. I just did... my mind has just been on unblogable things.. well again, I could blog them, but people actually read this - quite a few actually. This topic is way to personal and deep for me to begin to discuss in such a broad forum. It (with the help of Kathy) has inspired me to write a collection of fictionalized essays/short stories, which I may at some point share. Possibly in this forum, but maybe not. How is that for vague? See.. I'm still sorting this all out in my head and it's pretty full in there right now between the topic I ponder, new changes at work (more regulations=more work) and getting ready for Halloween (it's big here!). Not to mention that I am still cold, damp and bitchy about my clusterfuck of a commute this morning. "on or close to schedule" my ASS!

as for my knitting/crocheting:

2 gifts in the works- can't blog those yet...
socks are black/grey and it is WAY too dark to take a progress pick and have it actually look like anything.
the wedding shawl looks EXACTLY like it did last time I showed you.
I did finish this: a felted drawstring bag.

TGIF 10/24/08

2008-10-24T12:05:00.002-04:00

my exquisite birthday gift
friends to share it with
the killa dress!
pheromones
understanding
non-judgemental friendship
rules
inspiration
making plans
Bender
the pink book
epiphany

C'ELLE NO! - revisited

2008-10-23T12:50:00.006-04:00

almost a year ago, I posted an entry about C'ELLE. I am continuously amazed when I see just how much traffic a GOOGLE search for C'ELLE drives to my blog. amazing. I do have to say that I've been doing business with CryoCell for almost 6 years. We have Ryan's cord blood banked there, and we are very happy.

Before I go any further, read that entry (and chuckle to yourself that Deb is now pregnant).

I have to say that after using the Diva for a year, the concept really doesn't weird me out so much... but still... my budget has other priorities.

Yesterday, Denise Z. left the following comment:

Why aren't THEY PAYING WOMEN for this?!?!? I think it's a great idea - the menstrual blood truly is "holy" (for lack of a better word). Women are the only ones who have it. WHY are WOMEN PAYING MEN for this?!?!?!?!Women, we should be demanding that they pay us for this. I have studied this since 1997 - back then, my friend actually talked about creating a cup to store the blood.I would love to hear your thoughts on my comment. I honestly cannot believe that women have to pay $200!! (supposedly a deal) for this....Thank you,Denise (Ann Arbor, Michigan)

My first thought was YES! They should pay us for this, but in this case, they are providing storage for it and you are paying for the service. Makes sense since I can not cryogenicly store my blood products safely in my deep freezer (which did work well for breast milk!).

Denise does make a good point about it being "holy". For centuries (perhaps longer), menstrual blood was regarded as a sign of fertility, growth and renewal. Think about it. It comes from the same place that new life emerges (the P-word!). Even then - before male doctors got involved in "women's business" - they understood the connection and the cycle of fertility. And remember that your cycle stops if your body is not healthy enough to support a pregnancy, so having your period was a sign that you were in fact healthy and fertile.

Now, our society has evolved into a patriarchal one. One that has made this "holy" symbol into something shameful and sinful. I remember my Grandmother telling me that she thought she was dying when she got her first period. Even I was too embarrassed to tell my mother at first.

Don't get me wrong.. I'm not saying that it is all fun. The bloating, irritability and the sensation that my uterus is being yanked out through the base of my spine... not my idea of a party! But it is a time to relax and pamper yourself a bit. Don't be embarrassed. Seize the opportunity to curl up with a heating pad, chocolate, a glass of wine and a good book... or perhaps some Noro Silk Garden...

Now, shall I explain why I believe that we should refer to God the Mother - not God the Father? Perhaps another day. Right now, Pussiliah and I have to get back to work.

Women's Intuition

2008-10-22T13:02:00.004-04:00

ladies - you have it... use it! it is that "Spidey Sense" that tells you that something is up. some one is lying, the kids are up to something, you're in danger. Hell, it's how I knew I was pregnant before it was even soon enough to take test (I'm not.. so don't even go there...). A couple of weeks ago, Crazy Aunt Purl ignored hers... (go read that post.. I'll wait.)

Scary, huh? if she had listened to herself, she could have avoided it. She is VERY lucky that she didn't get hurt/raped/mugged/killed or whatever their plans were.

What would you do if someone tried to assault you? would you panic? would you run? would you fight back?

A little over a year ago, the MMA school that my husband and 2/3 of my kids attend (in case you are wondering, Colin is still too little) offered a Women's Self Defense Workshop. I thought it was a good idea to go, so I did. There were sign ups for a weekly class at the workshop. Todd signed me up. If you know us, you know that he rarely even attempts to tell me what to do. He does offer suggestions, but he knows that I'll do what I want. But, this was about safety and he felt very strongly... and I was inclined to agree. I was slightly apprehensive about the class. I'm not a fighter and I wasn't interested in being a martial artist, but, I worked in downtown New haven and I wanted to feel safe walking to my car in the garage every day.

The class has been amazing. I am more confident and relaxed. I can do things I thought I'd never do. I can literally throw my husband over me and body slam him (hip toss)! I can throw a punch - several strikes actually. I don't hit like a "girl". I hit like a fighter. Women aren't built for the kind of power that men are, so we need to know the body mechanics behind a strike for it to have any hope of holding off an attacker. The best part? it is FUN! I save up my aggression from the week and beat up the bags, "Bob" or the instructor (man he's a good sport!). I fell strong, fierce and invincible! A far cry from the shrinking violet I used to be. I have done things in the last year that I wouldn't have even considered before.

Since the class formed, two of us have had to use the skills we've learned in the real world. Fortunately, in both cases, no one was hurt. More importantly, in both cases, we were both calm and in control during the altercation. No panic or fear - just reacting as we were trained.

Yes, I said we... I had to use my training just a couple of weeks ago. To make a very long story short. we had an intruder (an 18-yo neighbor actually) enter our home and try to hide from someone he thought was going to shoot him in our children's bedroom. Todd got him out of their room and it was clear that he was tweaking out on something (rumor has it that it was Ecstasy). He grabbed a kitchen tool that could have been used as a weapon. I had to disarm him while Todd called 911. We finally got him out and he ran off up the road to find a new hiding spot. don't know if the cops found him, but we said we wouldn't press charges as long as he stayed off of our property - inordinately.

The boys thankfully slept through the entire ordeal. Though in retrospect, maybe we should have woken them up to see exactly WHY they should not use drugs.

If you have the opportunity fo rsuch a class - TAKE IT. If you know someone that can teach you how to throw a punch - LEARN. We have an intuition, a built in alarm system - LISTEN. Be safe.

Birthday with the Family

2008-10-20T15:43:00.002-04:00

We had pizza and cake with the family on Friday night. nothign too exciting, but a nice way to celebrate none the less...

Saturday, we went to a hockey game then out to a bar with some friends. I decided I needed a new dress (yes.. to wear to a hockey game). BEST idea I've had in a long time! DAMN I looked good!

TGIF - 10/17

2008-10-17T12:40:00.001-04:00

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Birthday Plans!!!

Friends to celebrate with

Friends who won't be able to make it (bitches!)

Noro (must get more!!!)

baby Pumas!

packages from WI!

roses from Ryan

having a "spare"

tea parties

a hubby who remembers

the gift of life and another day to live it.

staying in control in a scary situation.

my training which gave me the ability to reamin in control.

my instructor for that training.

the chocolate the I hear is headed this way.

Addiction

2008-10-16T12:21:00.004-04:00

There really needs to be some sort of 12-step program for Noro... this scarf practically FLEW off of the needles! In addition to the color gradation, they yarn varies in thickness from as fine as a lace weight to an aran weight with the occasional slub. very interesting texture. I was disappointed in the amount of vegetation still in the finished product. At that price, I expect none. I had no knots in any of my 4 skeins, which was great. I've heard some scary stories about knotted Noro and colorways not matching.

the pattern is addictive too... one more square... I'll just finish this tier.... yeah... that was pretty much all I did during the long weekend (well, I did bake 2 batches of cookies & 2 pies, clean the bathroom, wash 4 loads of laundry, buy groceries, help teach a self-defense workshop and apprehend an intruder in a real- life application of my self defense skills).

I bound off the last tier Monday night with only about a yard left over! talk about calling it close!

Tuesday night, it got a soak in some tepid water and wool wash, then a gentle blocking. I laid it out on the guest bed and pinned the ends only. I wanted it to be blocked neatly, but I also didn't want to abuse the silk (45%) too much. By last night it was nice and dry.

..and even more spectacular! I'm almost hoping the real cold gets here soon... almost!

Tea Time!

2008-10-14T12:12:00.002-04:00

For those of you who don't know me IRL, I am a tea snob. there. I said it. I am and I'm not ashamed of it! we do own a coffee maker, but I don't think we have filters for it. I'm not even sure what filters to get... usually, I buy a Box O Joe at DnD and use the coffee maker to keep it warm when we entertain. Coffee snobs (like my brother and MIL) know better and bring their own.

We all drink tea here. I do. Todd does. So do most of our friends. When Kim and Kathy lived near by, we regularly had tea together. In fact, Kim and Jay came over for tea and Cinnamon rolls every Sunday after Church. With all of the tea around them, it seems natural that my boys are tea drinkers. We added one more to the ranks on Sunday!

I know what you are thinking.. CAFFEINE! well, yeah.. but in spite of the rumors you may have heard, it is a LOT less than coffee or soda. Besides, Andy & Ryan have ADD/ADHD and caffeine actually helps a little.

More importantly, we use our "tea parties" to help teach the boys some manners. They have fun (and cookies) and they learn not only what good manners are, but WHY they are important. And yes... they are important. Our society may have become quite informal, but I think things like respect and manners are becoming far too scarce and need to be taught to a lot of adults as well as my kids.

I can't change the world, but I can teach my kids to say please and thank you, to address adults formally and to respect themselves, others and the world in general. I can raise gentleman and, with any luck, good husbands and fathers (preferably in that order).

TGIF 10/10

2008-10-10T12:28:00.002-04:00

getting my sew-jo back
rest
talent
Noro
entrlac
putting recipies on my blog
my chiro
deadlines
pumpkin cookies
tea
friends old & new
season tix to the Sound Tigers!
three day weekends!!! (expect a finished - or nearly finished Noro scarf next week!)

I've lost my sewing Mojo (or is it Sew-jo?).

2008-10-09T12:06:00.003-04:00

Probably happened the night I broke every last needle trying to serge a bunch of inserts together before camp. yeah... pretty sure that was it. Sewing microfiber is a BITCH!

As I mentioned in my ode to Noro yesterday, I can NOT cope with UFOs and stash hanging out. My entire fabric stash right now is leftovers, a few hand-me-downs and a bag of feed sack scraps that I picked up at the alpaca farm last week.

How can a quilter (which I am) pass up such a treasure?

Anyway.. with the prospect of Halloween costumes looming, my UFO list was reaching unbearable proportions.:

kitchen/entry curtains
mending
2 diapers ( between these and the pants, he is sure to PL fast, right? RIGHT?)
"Blueprint" quilt
"Amber" charm quilt
Fall Exchange post cards

Colin decided to cooperate and take a nice looong nap and I got a lot done:

Decided I hated the pattern I had for the curtains and left the fabric in the bag.
mending was nearly eliminated once I explained to Todd that there was no point in mending shorts/pants that no longer fit him.
diapers are done, but slightly bloody. I managed to sew THROUGH my finger tip while threading the needle. Don't worry - It's only a flesh wound!
"Blueprint" quilt top is done. I need to decide on, then purchase batting. the quilting will be a LOT of work. much of it is integral to the design.
"Amber" is still in pieces in the bag. I still need around 600 more fabrics (not exaggerating!) after being impaled, I had no desire to fuss with curved piecing.
Cut out the peltex and started my Post Cards. I'll blog them after they've been mailed - no spoilers!

Incentive

2008-10-08T12:09:00.000-04:00

What better incentive to finish a project than this

Noro Silk Garden

waiting in the wings - taunting me! I know.. most of you are thinking that you would have just cast on the Noro as soon as it came.. or just tossed it in the stash.

I can't do that. I can't handle too many WIPs. They call to me. taunt me. "KNIT ME! KNIT ME! You know you want to! Make me your scarf. It's getting cold out there, isn't it? c'mon, just cast me on, then you can finish those pants..." (That isn't limited to knitting either, more on my sewing issues later). I can't cope with a stash either. It calls my name too. Actually, my yarn stash is limited to leftovers/scraps, 4 skeins of alpaca that mom gifted to me and 3 more skeins of sock yarn from our trip to WEBS. That is it. (No - REALLY!)

I tend to have 2 projects in progress at any given time. One for home and one to travel. However, I have my Anniversary shawl OTN and that requires concentration and focus that I don't always have at the end of the day, so I've got another "no brainer" going as well.

Oddly enough, both of my "home" projects are entrelac. The Noro is cast on and quickly becoming a Kaleidoscope Scarf. I love watching how the colors evlove as I knit them. What is fascinating is that the color change is from the spinning process - not a dye of a blank yarn. it really produces a much more subtle movement in the yarn. fascinating this stuff! The fact that it is silk and mohair is just icing!

Toddler Pants

2008-10-07T12:10:00.006-04:00

I cast these on at camp. They started out going failrly quickly. BUT the way the short rows are distributed, it started to feel never-ending. FINALLY I got to the gusset (pattern is wrong - you need to increase on BOTH sides of the markers), seperated the legs and sewed the crotch. The legs went on and on and on. really... the kid isn't that tall... but the (seemingly) endless stockinette did nothing to hold my attention. It was only the arrival of my Noro Silk garden for my next project (already cast on, but the subject of a future post) that pushed me to finish them. That and it's getting cold here... BRR! the final insult was sewing all of those damned ends! next time (HA!) I'll sew as I go.

I like the construction and the fit. If I decide to make them again, I think I may change the waist to a casing for an elastic, but that is just a matter of preferance. It really wasn't the pattern, but the size that bored me. That is a LOT of stockinette for one kid....

Pattern: Booty Extreme Knit Pants
Yarn: Cascade 220 (green) & Patons Merino (brown)
Size: 2T/3T

I tried getting him to pose for a picture wearing them, but he was busy with his research in perpetual motion. (but they DO fit!)

Now that they are done, you know what that means, right? Yeah.. I'll bet he'll start actualluy GOING on the potty while he is stting there... too bad.. he's wearing these pants anyway!

ps- see Cynthia. you arn't the only one knitting/blogging pants!

Toasters

2008-10-06T12:05:00.003-04:00

I watched a bit of the VP debate before I decided that it was all a bunch of fraking BS and put in BSG 3.0.

Laura Roslin sat down in her chair on Colonial 1 and put on her glasses. FRAK! no wonder Gov. Palin looks so familiar!

I had seen the comparison of Sen. McCain to Col. Tigh before, but now that I think about it, having a Cylon in office may not be so bad. Think about it. We can send out the Toasters and bring our troops home. Afterall, we can just build new toasters... Then, when they find bin Laden (and you know they will!) we can just toss him out the air lock. Hmm... no... even Dr. Baltar got a trial...

One thing I do know.. Apallo is HOT!

and on that note...